Kid Rock

Kid Rock is an american musician, known for being a "cowboy," "bad ass," and "waste of DNA."

After an hour on Google Images, this is the least ridiculous picture of Kid Rock available.
After an hour on Google Images, this is the least ridiculous picture of Kid Rock available.

Just The Facts

  1. In what only proves that America will let anyone succeed, Kid Rock has sold over 22 million records and had several top hits.
  2. He met Uncle Kracker at a rap battle in Clawson, Michigan, at what we can only assume was the Mount Rushmore of rap battles located in Southeastern Michigan.
  3. He once toured with Limp Bizkit and Staind, and God stood by and did nothing. This may be proof that God doesn't exist.

Background

Robert James Richie was born January 17, 1971, and grew up on the most bad-ass apple orchard in all of Romeo, Michigan. By age 11 he was already up to his neck in hip hop culture, as he was a key member of the Furious Funkers, a local breakdancing crew. Top scientists agree that all of the time he spent spinning around on his lead lead to the brain damage that caused him to appear in public looking like this:

Seriously.

Kid Rock rose through the ranks of morons who think that rap-metal is a good idea, and eventually released the best selling Devil Without a Cause, further showing everyone that even Kid Rock pretends to like James Dean movies.

The Pamela Anderson Year(s)

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson became romantically linked in 2001. They engaged in 2002, and while many Cracked readers probably dream of banging Pamela Anderson, it's important to remember that dating Pamela Anderson in 2002 is like signing Mickey Mantle in 2009.

Mickey Mantle on Game Day

Now batting third, Mickey Mantle!

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson eventually called it quits, but not before he recorded the song "Erotica," which was the theme song to Spike TV's Striperella, a show so terrible it let both Kid Rock and Mark Hamill appear in multiple episodes.