Mother Nature

Ahhh, mother nature, tender, loving, the monster of your worst nightmares ripping the soul from the very essence of your being. Truly worthy of a Mother of the Year award. Only the best mothers could aspire to be like Mother Nature.

Mama shows some love

Just The Facts

  1. Nature is beautiful beyond reproach. Something that makes the heart sing and the soul belive in life itself
  2. Nature will fuck you seven ways from Sunday in the blink of an eye.... bitch
  3. Nature is a sadist. Get on her bad side, and your punishment ranges from being crushed by a meteor the size of Texas, getting crushed to death in water, and a tranny having a crush on you
  4. Nature masquerades as a kind, loving, caring and motherly mother when in fact she is an sadistic, evil, murderous asshole

A brief history

Ah. Mother Nature. 4.54 billion years old and still young. Back then she was pregnant with all of us.

She had quite the mood swings back then

Time passed, and she cooled down, and from her unspeakables we came out.

Widely rumored to be her vagina

Widely rumored to be her vagina

And so life began. As life grew up, it started wondering who the father was, but it gave up.

As millions of years passed, life would change and change and change. It created some of the most badass creatures on the face of the planet.

Life missed the chance to make this, though

Mother Nature liked to mess around with life. Every few hundred million years she would hurl something at life because she was bored.

"I have too much free time in my hands" - Mother Nature

A few dozen asteroids and extinctions later, we all arrived to where we are now, along with Mother Nature.

Mother Nature's play time

To Mother Nature, a million years is a minute. To Mother Nature, a million dollars is a dollar. Ask her for a dollar and she will take a minute.

Mother Nature is an asshole. She'll destroy everything in sight just because.

Mother Nature gets a bit childish sometimes. She occasionally starts playing around. She never bothers to clean her room after all that playing.

"Dammit, mom! This place is a fucking mess!"

Other times life just decides to get on Mommy's bad side and recieves a punishment.

"I will crush you to death in water!"

And sometimes Nature is just a bitch.

"Dance, water, dance! I want the Palace of Westminster under a thousand feet of water!"

Mother Nature's creations

Mother Nature's spawns have inherited her sadism. She(and her spawns) will do everything to make you suffer a horrible death.

Let's have a slideshow of the creatures straight out of Mommy's diseased mind.

Imagine these in an aquarium, proclaiming your impending death

Cthulhu as a child

This is a plant.

These animals gave my aunt diabetes.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY THIS, MOTHER NATURE?

Mother Nature's good side

But Nature isn't always bloody rampages and shit. Nature can also be a kind, caring mother.

So, let's have a slideshow and show how Mother Nature can also be good.

Alright, I give up. She isn't.

Well, since we all know that Mother Nature is an uncaring bastard, let me cheer you up.