Three Medical Conditions You Would Be Certain Didn't Exist

We'd all dread going to the doctor's office and being told that we have, say, cancer, ebola or feline immunodeficiency. However, what if your doctor said you had something so weird, it sounded more like a tasteless joke?

You have Supernumerary Nipple Syndrome. Why are you laughing?

Just The Facts

  1. Medical conditions almost universally suck
  2. Some medical conditions both suck and sound very implausible
  3. These probably suck more due to people thinking you're making it up

Exploding head syndrome

Yes really..... although actually not perhaps what you think. While it'd be great to tell you that this happens:

It is essentially hearing a very loud noise (that isn't actually there) usually when asleep. Symptoms can include the inability to vocalise any sound, bouts of sleep paralysis and frequent "WTF just happened" moments. So how do people get this disorder? Well thats another dandy little thing about exploding head syndrome. We dont know what causes it. However 85% of people identified with the syndrome claim to have experienced outer body experiences. Of course! Thats what causes it! Subconcious journeys into the supernatural world!

"Fucken Bang"

Vampire Disease.

More commonly known in the medical world as cutaneos porphyria, vampire disease is a disorder where the victim's skin experiences blisters, necrosis, itching and burning when exposed to sunlight.

"OMFG! This hurts more than the general public's opinion of me as an actor!"

It also causes excess amounts of hair growth on body parts, particularly the forehead.

"Ok, now this is getting wierd. seriously, all we need now is for a symptom to be poor acting skills and we have Rob Patterson"

Another weird ol' symptom of vampire disease is that a victim's urine turns different colours when exposed to sunlight. Hold on... Did i read that right? According to wikipeadia, which as we all know is an infallible source, in some cases a dark reddish to brown tinge can become present in the urine when exposed to sunlight. There have also been cases of red and purple urine.

"Oh god... that cant be right..."

So in summary, people with vampire disease piss rainbows, grow hair on their foreheads and burn in the sun. Doctors are also relatively sure that silver bullets and stakes through the heart will also hurt them.

Walking Corpse Syndrome

Walking corpse syndrome is a neurophyciatric disorder where people come under the false belief that they are dead and rotting.

"Hi. Im dead"

Sufferers wander the earth telling people that they're dead. The illusion can become so real that they can make up elaborate stories of their death such as "i was hit my a bus" to the story of the first recorded case of walking corpse syndrome " died of septicaemia (which had been a risk early in his recovery), or perhaps from AIDS (he had read a story in The Scotsman about someone with AIDS who died from septicaemia), or from an overdose of yellow fever injection. He thought he had "borrowed my mother's spirit to show me round hell", and that he was asleep in Scotland."

Taddletale...

"Hey mom. Where the bitches at?"