Succubus

A sex demoness responsible for the evils of sex, stealing souls, corrupting men, sex, turning into a dude, furry porn, and sex.

Glam Frankenstein portrayed by Adam Lambert not yet appearing

Succubus: Like Halloween at a sorority, with half the STDs and twice the damnation.

Just The Facts

  1. Demons are terrifying, vile, and evil entities that will take your soul, rip your flesh to pieces, and cannot be trusted in any situation.
  2. The succubus is a female sex demon- meaning it has boobs,lady parts, and likes to molest men in their sleep.
  3. Most people forget the demon part once the sex and boobs get mentioned.

The Succubus

We have to face the truth- monsters are getting prettier everyday. Vampires and werewolves have taken the place of boy bands in the heart of the American teen girl and people worry more about relationships on True Blood than people getting eaten. The teeth of the beast have largely been plucked, and people are more interested in getting in bed with monsters than hiding under it. So, perhaps the best way to get horror back into our horror movies is to make sex scary.

Enter the succubus, putting fear back into the bedroom.

How Bad Could it Be?

Most depictions of succubi in modern day are smoking hot, enough to risk a little damnation right? And the phrase demon in the sack is pretty much literal, so how bad could it be to take a roll in the hay with the brides of satan? Worse than you'd think.

The Malleus Maleficarum describes entry into a succubus to be 'like entering a cave of ice', which sounds about as pleasant as getting frisky with a fridge. If that doesn't deter you, sex with a succubus is also said to wean away one's life force and vitality, slowly shriveling one up into a husk. The traditional succubus often comes after you in your dreams like Freddy Krueger's hot sister, meaning you may not get a choice in the matter at all- the wet dream you just had could be your last. Top it off with the usual demon MO of murder, mayhem, and trying to take your soul, the average romp with a succubus is about as sexually disappointing as the Coyote Ugly movie, only with more death and less singing.

Enjoying a night of PG-13 family friendly titillation. Upon going to an actual strip joint this man promptly exploded due to excitement.

If the ice cold vagina and imminent death don't quite seal the deal, there's an extra creepy factor- succubi would take the semen of those they slept with so they can transform into an incubus, the male version of the succubus. If the medieval equivalent of the Crying Game wasn't bad enough, the incubus then goes and knocks up nuns, witches, and unwilling virgins with your seed, leading to what could be the worst paternity case ever.

Origins of the Succubus

The origins of the succubus and creatures like it are commonly attributed to the lilitu demons of Sumerian lore- women with bird wings and talons who were known for their lust for men, occasionally taking them in their dreams. It's thought that these demons were the forerunner to the Babylonian goddess/monster/demon prostitute Lilith, bringing death and disease from more than just venereal sources.

Later depictions of Lilith in Biblical folklore address her as being the first woman, created at the same time and equal with Adam, who was ejected from Eden for not willing to be on bottom for Adam when it was love time in Eden. Adam whined and God decided to hook him up with the woman made from your rib special known as Eve (which worked out awesome with the whole apple/serpent thing by the way). Meanwhile, Lilith did what any angry ex would do and go have sex with a bunch of people to show how much you don't miss them and how much more fun you're having without the McRib of women- only lacking actual people, Lilith got it on with a bunch of demons, sired a bunch more, and became the first succubus.

Early Succubus in Fiction

Scary: 7- Can turn a Frenchman violent

Sexy: 4- Hot like 18th century prose

Perhaps the earliest fictional work in which the succubus stars is the creatively titled "The Succubus" by Honore De Balzac, a French writer from the 1800s. The first part of the tale is a collection of testimonies against the succubus. Like a lot of things Europe claimed, she was brought back from the crusades by a knight. It turns out that several knights had fought over her, to the death before coming back from the holy lands, and upon arriving, wove a spell over the hearts and souls of most men unfortunate enough to meet her with results typical to an episode of Jerry Springer. The list of witcheries she induced included enslaving men with lust, amassing wealth equal to a king, turning her crusader lover into a shell of a man who would kill anyone who came near their house, and creating a death lust in old men that would leave them corpses by the next morning.

This is why you call the doctor if you have an erection lasting four hours or more.

While a bit long winded, and the supernatural aspect largely debunked in the second part, it's actually a rather horrifying tale as we hear of the dozens of lives destroyed by the succubus, her ability to turn men into pawns. It's rather likely it was this succubus that inspired the next succubus.

D&D Succubus

Scary: 4- It's just a model

Sexy: 4- Hot like lumpy plastic

The picture of the original succubus of D&D probably did a better job of sexually warping basement dwelling gamers than the succubus of old ever could. Like any good monster worth killing on graph paper, the D&D succubus had a lot of powers to go with it's hit points and treasure- it can mind control, steal the life from a character, and turn people into it's willing love slaves. Still, none of that was it's real power- being the closest many nerds ever got to a sexual experience, it was the perfect trap, forcing them to choose: kill her and get the loot and experience points, or possibly lose the character's soul for some imaginary nookie.

These hot plastic curves have corrupted many a lead miniature.

It would be some time before gamers discovered the 'Grand Theft Auto' solution to the problem. The succubus is still claiming the lives of 7th level wizards and rogues to this very day.

Darkstalkers AKA the Anime Succubus

Scary: 1- Fighting game with no fatalities, cartoony look.

Sexy 8/4: Hot like tights and bustiers/Lolita wrongness

Bringing the succubus firmly into video gaming consciousness was Morrigan of Darkstalker's fame. While eschewing the traditional horns and tail for head wings, heels, and tights, the oversexed femme fatale turned enough heads that in the next game there was a spin off character...

That's right. It's a succubus- a childlike/teen succubus, and the prime reason why the people at Capcom may be going to hell. There's nothing overtly sexual about it though, right?

(actual official Capcom Art- the fan stuff is WAY scarier).

Right.

World of Warcraft Succubus

Scary: 5- Your Warlock might have sold their soul for this

Sexy: 7- Hot like a girl whipping herself for your amusement

Just as World of Warcraft found a way to take dungeon crawling from being a nerd hobby to a really popular, millions strong nerd hobby, they were able to take the succubus to new levels of geek fantasy- whats better than a sexy demoness? One you can summon and have complete control over. We can only be thankful the only commands you can give the succubus are attacks in the game- not that it culls her popularity at all. Type in World of Warcraft at Deviant Art- you'll get a succubus on the first page, unlike every other monster or pet in the game.

It's no wonder with all the giggling, cooing, and spanking herself (and if I were a betting man, I'm sure she's not the only one spanking something).

Let's be thankful the graphics are out of date- otherwise, 10% of the time spent on Warcraft might just be staring at this.

South Park Succubus

Scary: 7- Far too real; bad relationship turning friend into boring chode

Sexy: 1- Hot like creepy ugly paper cut out

Succubus is often a loosely attributed term for women that suck the life out of men. In this episode of South Park, a succubus turns Chef into a boring chode, beating scientology to the punch by several years. Unlike most modern succubi, she's an ugly looking critter, which pretty much makes her the most unique succubi created in the last twenty years.

I hope that brown patch is just a loincloth...

Dragon Age 'Succubus'

Scary: 7- Otherworldly monster that will possess children and warp reality

Sexy: 8- Hot like nearly naked harem girl in body paint

They don't call them succubus, but the desire demons of Dragon Age are half naked women with some demonic features who toy with the emotions of men, turning them into insane love slaves, so it falls in bounds- its less of a stretch than calling a glittering man god walking in the sun without fangs a vampire.

No, it doesn't get old.

The desire demons do get extra points for being just that step more creepy than the average succubus- sure, they're usually sexy demonic women out for your soul, but the blank eyes, otherworldly voice, and purple energy for hair certainly give them an alien nature that makes you wonder just what it is you'd be snuggling up to.

The desire demon has a nice rack- probably an eight point buck by the size of those horns.

Ugly Americans- Callie Maggotbone

Scary: 6- She's turned on by the sight of wounds, but hasn't killed Mark yet

Sexy: 9- Hot like a girl turned on by everything

When a succubus becomes a main character on an animated television show, you know they've almost gone mainstream in the American consciousness.

Callie Maggotbone is a half demon whose primary goals in life seem to be the oppression of the human race, pissing off her dad, and molesting her coworker/boyfriend Mark at every available convenience. It's a cartoon, so both her menace and sexiness are blunted, but the usual black and red cutaways accompanied by pained screams seem to be indication enough of how borderline psychotic her sexual encounters are. The fact Mark keeps coming back (despite the wounds) shows how worthwhile they must be.

The horns are cute, but the business suit let's you know she's evil.

Jennifer's Body


Scary: 9- Will literally eat you alive.

Sexy: 7-10- Hot like Megan Fox

As far as a film goes, Jennifer's Body, in theory, is probably the most horrifying succubus material out there. The background is creepy enough- Jennifer getting demon possessed due to being a non-virgin in a virgin sacrifice when she goes to hang out with a rock band (groupies beware!), but the streak of Megan Fox based cannibalism is enough to push this over the edge into making sexy scary. Jennifer begins to seduce, then devour, a variety of guys from her school, crossing several demographics- emo, jock, Jennifer will devour all, and that in itself makes for a rather horrible last few moments to life.

Seriously, Megan Fox the cheerleader coming on to you in high school when you're weird kid sitting in the library? You'd probably think you had just passed on into some kind of strange dimension where the plots to pornos were based on real life, when BAM! Grizzly teeth, crazy claws, and you're devoured in what seemed like the best moment in your whole life. Watching this at the wrong stage in your development could scar you for life, possibly enough to make abstinence and effective method of birth control.

I swear, she had yellow eyes!- Scott Farkis's older sister was a major hottie.