Dragonball Evolution

Take a genre defining series, add 4 pounds of manure, slam it into your face with a baseball bat and you've got Dragonball evolution.

This is the face of faggotness. Gaze upon it and weep.

Yes, this is fucking Piccolo.

I don't even think I need to comment on how fucking retarded this looks

Just The Facts

  1. Dragonball Evolution is a film that shows how you can jack everything up when making a film based on anime.
  2. It is based on a anime that is a hit with the tween crowd.
  3. This is another attempt by Hollywood to appeal to those who love anime.

The "So-Called" Story

Over two thousand years ago a pussy demon named Piccolo descended upon Earth with his minion ����¯�¿�½zaru because you know Earth is fucking awesome. However a couple of mystics created a jar called a Mafuba to seal away the demon. Yes you heard me correctly, out of all the things they choose to seal evil, in they seal it in a fucking jar. Better hope a curious 5 year old does not find it because if they do all hell will break lose. Anyway Piccolo breaks free by breaking the useless thing, and goes after the Dragon Balls.

Meanwhile the 18 year old fag Goku is for some reason given the 4-star Dragon Ball by his Grandpa! For those that don't watch the anime,there are seven Dragonballs. If they are collected they will be able to wish for anything by a FUCKING DRAGON. Apparently, giving away powerful artifacts that can destroy the world is a family tradition. Anyway Goku goes to a party hosted by his crush, Chi-Chi. Because in every single action movie there must be party for the cool kids. However returning home he finds his house obliterated and his Grandpa dying. Wait..how the hell did his grandpa survive. His entire fucking house was destroyed and yet a weak ass, frail old man somehow managed to stay alive long enough to tell his grandson to seek out Muten Roshi who is a martial arts master.

Along the way he meets some bitch named Bulma who was researching the 5-star Dragon Ball before it was stolen by some chick named Mai who follows Piccolo. Goku offers her wussy ass his protection in exchange for her help in finding Roshi. They eventually find him in Paozu City. Of course Roshi helps Goku transform from fag form to pussy badass form. This is accomplished by helping him harness his Ki power. They must also get all the Dragon Balls before the solar eclipse or else ����¯�¿�½zaru will return and join Piccolo. Apparently this fucker is more powerful then goddamn Piccolo even through he is a damn minion.

While searching for the six star Dragon Ball, they are ambushed by the sissified Yamcha. Roshi,instead of killing the bitch convinces him to join their group. Because you know keeping a desert bandit next to several FUCKING POWERFUL OBJECTS IS A GOOD THING. Once then Piccolo's whore, Mai ambushes them. Like all good guys they survive and get the next Dragon Ball. Then they travel to a temple where Roshi consults his former teacher and they begin the fucking Mafuba enchantment which Piccolo broke out of. Is everyone in "Dragonball Evolution" stupid fucks?

Anyway there is also a tournament and ChiChi goes there. In a fight with Mai, Mai takes some of ChiChi's blood. Meanwhile Roshi teaches Goku Kamehameha. Mai disguises herself as ChiChi and steals the Dragonballs. All the fucktards go to confront Picolo who reveals that Goku is Oozaru. Goku also shares a body with a god. Holy shit!! Piccolo's minion is more powerful then him. Anyway the solar eclipse happens and Goku transforms into Oozaru the Destroyer. Roshi uses the Mafuba to capture Piccolo but Piccolo escapes. This is blatantly obvious since it did not work the first time.

Turns out the Mafuba drains the life of everyone who uses it. Roshi with his dying breath manages to turn Oozaru the Destroyer back into Goku. While Goku fights Piccolo, Mai attempts to kill Bulma but is shot in the back by pussy man Yamcha. Goku uses the power of both Goku and Oozaru to fight Piccolo and kicks Piccolo's ass with the Kamehameha. Goku then summons the dragon Shenron and instead of bringing his Grandpa back from the dead, the ungrateful fuck brings Roshi back. Then the dragon balls scatter and they must get them again. Goku then ask Chichi, the useless bitch, to marry him but before that they sparr first. After the credits guess what... Piccolo is still fucking alive! Thus ends this pile of crap. Oh wait there making sequals. Fuck.