Paint

"Paint is essential to life! That's why I put it everyone's drinking water tonight!"

Before an artist adds his touch, this is everything looks.

Just add paint and......

Well.... sometimes you just don't make a Mona Lisa.

Just The Facts

  1. Paint is proven to affect heart rate, emotion, and mental state. That's right! It makes you high!
  2. Paint is any liquid, liquefiable, or mastic composition which after application to a substrate in a thin layer is converted to an opaque solid film.
  3. In case you're stupid, fact 2 means that paint is any mixture that starts off as a liquid, but then turns into a waxy or dry sustance when it hardens.
  4. Paintings are worth millions now-a-days, the highest selling one simply being a painting of flowers.
  5. If you've never finger painted, I'm afraid we'll have to kill you.

Getting Kids high since 40,000 B.C.

We've all seen "History of the World Part 1". In case you haven't, there's a segment in the beginning describing caveman artists

And Art Critic

And Art Critic.....................

But in reality, cavemen used minerals (Such as charcoal, chalk, etc.) to create works of art on the wall. None of which sold well. Evolve a couple thousand years to Egypt. They were the first folks to make liquid paint (And probably the first to get high off it too). They managed to liquify it by combining egg yolks and some sort of coloring material (i.e. Indigo). After Egypt died off from the deadly plagues, The Roman Empire would be the next to adapt painting to a new form. Instead of heiroglyphics on the wall, the managed to "Paperfy" (if you will) paint. But no one cared about painting because all of those assholes liked sculptures and plays.

The Era of "Good Art"

Fast forward even further into the future.... not that far, but to the Dark Ages. That's right folks! One-Dimensional paintings! Then they all died from yet another plague... Does anyone else notice the chain between bad art and Pestilence? Anywho, when the Renaissance came, perspective was added (Which is how things change in size from a distance), more paint colors were used, and of course:

Boobies!!!

Boobies!!!

So yes. Art has changed over the years (And no more plagues have struck since 1918).

Van Gogh, Monet, Picasso, yadda yadda yadda, painting. There.