Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet is a British actress once famed for her exposed breasts, now famous for her six Oscar (nominations).

Just The Facts

  1. Nominated for six Oscars, seven Golden Globes and seven BAFTA awards
  2. Bigger box office draw than Jim Carrey
  3. Recorded a song with Weird Al Yankovich called 'I Need A Nap'

Cracked on Kate Winslet

Winslet is a British actress who is most notable for possessing a rare combination of traits: unquestionable hotness and the ability to actually act. This second trait is probably what landed her several choice roles early in her career in Heavenly Creatures, Sense and Sensibility, and Hamlet.

What? You didn't see those movies? That's because they were made in the mid-90s and the only actress holding your attention was Amy Jo Johnson.

You could see her face strain every time she yelled "Pterodactyl"

You could see her face strain every time she yelled "Pterodactyl", cause that word's like super long.

So, what makes these movies you didn't see so special? Well, they were directed by Peter Jackson, Ang Lee and Kenneth Brannaugh, respectively. (Also, exposed breasts.) So, sure, no one in the audience knew who she was, but Hollywood sure did and those breast shots were worth the $7 ticket (yeah, $7, it was 1994). But it was Titanic, the highest grossing film of all time, that would make Kate's name synonymous with on-screen nudity. (It's also the only of the top ten to have proper nudity in it.)

Playing the romantic lead in the highest-ever-grossing movie pretty much guarantees eternal stardom (or so Zoe Seldana hopes). Winslet was poised to bore the crap out of us playing dignified, yet frequently nude, romantic heroines opposite the kind of actors who make your mother melt and your little sister shrug. However, Winslet decided to give Hollywood a big middle finger post-Titanic and do a bunch of indie films. And not the kind of indie films that just make you look credible on IMDB (which didn't exist at the time). No, Winslet did indie films that no one went to see.

Pictured: The death of a career

Then, just before she qualified for Where Are They Now status, Winslet pops up in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind playing the grounded voice of reason assuring us this would not be The Majestic on an acid trip. That same year, she proved it wasn't all one big fluke by starring in Finding Neverland, which was kind of sappy and nothing exploded, but damn it if we didn't enjoy it anyway.

"I do believe in fairies. I do. I do. Hey, shut the fuck up, I'm reclaiming my damn childhood over here!"

This makes Winslet the closest thing to Jesus that Hollywood has ever seen in real life. She basically suicided her career only to come back with a vengeance which gave her the credibility to do whatever the fuck she wanted and no one says shit. Winslet saying "I want to do something completely ridiculous" gets pretty much the exact same reaction as Jesus showing up at a Richard Dawkins lecture.

"Well, fuck me."