Internships
Internships serve one and only one purpose: a little line at the bottom of your CV that says, 'Yes I have worked in a professional setting before so you can at least count on me to wear pants to the job interview.'
Just The Facts
- Your main job will be to get coffee.
- You will also make photocopies.
- Even if there are no photocopies to be made.
- Both of these tasks will drain your soul.
- Mostly you will do nothing.
- This will drain your soul the most.
The work your ass off internship
You have forgone a girlfriend, many nights you stayed at home while your friends got hammered, it will be eons till you will see tits that aren't on a flat screen, but it's all worth it! You have managed to get the internship that will be the glorious start to your career!
The first day goes well. You have an orientation where they tell you about all the important operations and key business decisions being made all around you. You head home excited at the prospect of your successful career, having mistakenly assumed that they hadn't properly insulated those business proceedings from the likes of you and your fellow slap dick interns.
You are there to handle menial tasks that the people who actually make those decision don't want to do.
Sure, I could zip them up myself, but my arms are already crossed you see.
The rest of your internship will feel like an eternity. Coffee, photocopying, data entering and many other demeaning job that you're sure violate human rights. At the end of the day your fingers bleeding, feet aching, head pounding, you drag yourself home copier ink on your face reeking of coffee. Your mom asks, "How was work"? You look at her with your tortured eyes and say "fine." as you pass out to gather strength for the next day
Once it's all over you can hardly believe it, you leave the office with your updated CV and paycheck clutched dearly against your chest, sunshine gleams all around you, the birds chirp, the wind sings, finally you can get back to smoking pot and playing Halo 3.
Doing nothing does drain your soul even if you are getting paid. At least it does mine. Some days I can distract myself enough, other days I feel epically useless or think about what I could be getting done at home instead.
ReplyDitto.
And yes, I am reading cracked at work. It's what I've been doing all week.
Speaking of interns, don't you hire those sorts of people to do menial tasks like proofreading? No, I guess you must not have, by the looks of this article.
Reply Hide All See All 6 Repliesx2
Jesus Christ.
proof reading isnt a menial task lol, u ever done any lol i doubt it, it pays well too, i often correct ppls BA and MA papers as well as articles.
It shows.
InSovietRussia, stupid post makes you.
Seriously, do you know what menial means? It means boring, dull, repetitive, not-the-kind-of-thing-you'd-brag-to-your-friends-about. Also, considering you can't spell and can't be bothered to use real words, capitalization, and punctuation, I hope to God you don't proofread anybody's work.
Hahaha! He makes coffee for Cody! XD
By the looks of this article you must not have.
That's how you write it. The way you did it makes it a double negative. Which is bad grammar. Which is doubly poor for a grammar nazi.
are you seriously whining about being a copy-boy?
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesWhy are there just a few people in here that understand that this is a COMEDY ARTICLE!
for this to be a comedy article it must be funny.
THIS IS COMEDY ARTICLE YOU NOOBZORD LAUGH DAMNIT!
people just don't get the sarcasm in here.
I've been a copy boy, and yes it sucked giant Bea Arthur ass, but at least I got paid for it.
if it's a comedy article, where's the comedy?
I was a lifeguard through my school years. I got paid to tan, stay fit, and be mildly stoned while reading tons of good books (to pass the time; hardcore tanning has a strong, and often overlooked, mental component). I met my first boss while hammered at a party. Life is good. This 'internment', erm, 'internshit', hold-it, 'internship' stuff sounds, franky, made-up.
Reply Hide All See All 6 Repliesyou probably got skin cancer while you were "hardcore tanning", congratulations
Of course, working a desk job is way different than joyful lifeguarding.
@osiris LOL
Oh geez, now you need ointment for both burns
I did it for a few years. Indoor pools during the winter, outside during the summer.
Good spotting of saracasm, Osiris3657!
@shOOtingstar - remind me later to let your parents know that you found the "l" and "o" keys, and 'shift'. They'll pee their pants when they see that you did it in an understandable sequence.
@tyrollean9 - Nothing. Just...nothing. Wait, I've got it...nope, nothing.
I LOVE my internship. I'm a PA on an indie movie set. I get to work with Sean Young, David Della Rocco, and a ton of fun, creative, non-Hollywood types. Being a PA sucks, but I get to spend my whole day goofing around on set, and I get to work with people only too eager to teach me the tricks of the trade, as long as I get their coffee. Am I getting paid? No. But I am making VERY valuable connections, adding something actually valuable to my resume, and waking up excited to go to work. I know I'm bragging, but the point is, not all internships are s****y and without value.
Reply Hide All See All 9 RepliesSo wait, why does being a PA suck again?
Hush, Frankie Muniz. This is neither the time nor the place to spread your lies about leading a happy life.
Being a PA sucks because you're the gopher bitch. First to show up, last to leave, running errands, getting coffee, never a break, 10+ hour days. But if you love it, you gladly deal with the crap, because you love it, and if you do the job well, you don't have to do it long before you get promoted to something better.
But what's funny is thats how the rest of your life will be. You think of this as a stepping stone onto a marvelous high flying career, the reality is that it's a form of career statis.
Random G, if I was Frankie Muniz, why would I bother with this site?
Lyco- I never said anything about a high-flying career. I have no illusions. I am not the next Scorsese, Cameron, or Spielberg. I am a working crew person, happy to end up as a 1st or 2nd A.D., maybe even a Director of Photography. I am totally happy to be a nameless set person on a documentary. The point is that I am happy and I love my job! I wake up everyday glad to do what I do, and travel somewhere new everyday. Obviously, you're an unhappy, negative jackass who feels better tearing others down. So sorry for you! Shoo fly!
RandomG- Please, like I'm even Frankie Muniz. I'm guessing he's too busy as a working actor for this site.
Lyco- I never said anything about a 'marvelous high-flying career,' you negative dick. I am a PA, hoping to eventually be promoted as a 1st or 2nd A.D. or a Director of Photography. That being said, I still wake up every day ecstatic to go to work. I never said I was the next Spielberg, Scorsese, or Cameron. Way to jump to conclusions. You are obviously unhappy with your life and looking to tear down people who are happier than you. Shoo fly, don't bother me!
Why did you type that twice?
'I LOVE my internship. I'm a PA ', 'Being a PA sucks '.
Eh?
Mothertruck- I typed it twice because my computer froze (fucking Windows) and I assumed that it hadn't posted. I retyped it because I didn't see the original reply, and when I hit submit, both popped up. It won't let me edit or delete either.
DangerChocomog- just like anything, parts of it suck, like the hours (can be 12-16 hours on some days), but I enjoy it. I hate filling out paperwork and making calls, but I love working on set. Being a PA is being everyone's b***h, but you have to start at the bottom.
I was just trying to convey that 99.9% of people in the business are not Steven Spielberg or James Cameron, and many don't want to be. I just want to work, not be some big famous Hollywood player.
Been interning for the same company going on 3 years now, this article isn't even remotely accurate.
Reply Hide All See All 8 Repliesyou get to show up drunk???
You're totally right. Because this article isn't hosted on a comedy site and every single internship is exactly the same experience for everybody. Go die in a fire you f*****g twat
If you have been interning for a company for three years, don't you think something is wrong? They should have hired you by now. Enjoy being cheap labor, dumbass.
You've been an intern for three years? Do you have any goals? Internships are supposed to last a summer, a year at most.
so.. you DONT get to show up drunk?
Clearly, man, it WOULD be different for you; they see that you are willing to work for free without complaint, so they make use of you. The rest of the planet interns specifically to be free labor in the hopes of making friends with a manager somewhere who will be willing to hire them in the future.
Meanwhile your company got a federal bailout for paying you nothing. Enjoy the stimulus!
I'm a great pimp-boss, looking for some long-term interns. How big are your funbags (you know, milkers, teets, etc)? I have been looking at importing some interns from overseas, but would prefer to staff locally.
Dude, three years? Really? Busch is right; you had better be able to show-up drunk and keep drinking (supplied) at work.
Since I'm going into social work they actually expect you to do a lot in your internship.
ReplyOhhhh man... I am so glad I had the internship I had when I had it. Nothing would have made my internship at one of my favorite record labels in Chicago better except getting paid properly. The fringe benefits more than made up for living out of the Red Hen Bakery dumpster, though. Free booze and concerts, eating eggplant parmesean with Broken Social Scene, meeting and working (and occasionally playing video games & getting wasted) with dozens of my favorite musicians and actually learning how to do valuable things relevant to my field all happened to be totally awesome.
ReplyAs far as I recall, being an intern f*****g ruled.
...isn't this story supposed to end with "But then the acid wore off and I realized I was drinking listerine with a homeless accordian player"? That's how I remember it told.
Ahh, the open plains of an unsoiled cracked article, free of spam and MarilynManson, GaryBusey, and TomCruise, I haven't even read the article I seriously just came here to see if the triple threat have struck this article, luckily they have not.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesTo invoke the name of the Lord is to invoke his wrath.
What unholy thing have you now wrought?
Luckily, Marilyn Manson will be playing the Riddler in the next Batman movie
Seriously. Those guys are getting so annoying.
You know who should be the Riddler?
f*****g me!
farely spot on with mine at my city police station, pretty much just there to observe and do a few menial tasks with supervision
ReplyThis doesn't represent any internship I've had, so I'll just guess that this is the author's own experience.
ReplyHow many have you 'had', Jboy?
I loved my internship back in college. I was a PR intern at a childrens hospital. Since I was their first intern I was able to work on independent projects and had a lot of say in fundraiser events. I wasn't paid, but I wasn't exactly running around making copies and fetching coffee. It was fun though, and totally worth it.
ReplyI'm now living the glorious life of an unpaid journalism intern, unless college credit counts as pay. Yeah, during the week I get to do boring, mindless tasks to keep the magazine website going, but I finally get to start going out on assignments during the weekend to shoot my own photos for events. I've gotten to rub shoulders with my college football and basketball coaching staff (I go to a state university, so my friends were actually jealous.) All in all, it's not bad; I get more perks than I would get interning at a larger publication. And my supervisor will at least remember me because we had class together last year and there's only one other intern.
ReplyI never had an internship. I always worked at the same summer job that had nothing to do with what I was going to school for. As a result, I have no shot at actually getting the jobs that I want because I need "2 to 5 years experience" to apply. So guess what I'm doing now.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMeh, the experience bit can be overlooked. You can still get a job you want.
have you ever heard about lying? I got 10 years of real experience lying about my previous working exp. Nobody ever checked anything...
I agree with CB and soul. School counts as experience. If you're reading books, surfing sites, or doing anything in your field, that's experience. Think about a porn star. Do you think they don't include banging their partners as 'experience'?
I got 10$ an hour to sit on my ass and read Cracked. Best internship ever.
ReplyI had an internship. They blocked Cracked. It was horrible.
I had crack. blocked in the internship. It was AWESOME! hahahaha jk.
I get the impression from everyone's anecdotes that what people call internships are just temporary part time jobs that pay 3 times as much as a real full-time position. Sounds a little too fantastical to me, but what can I say?
ReplyAnything. Unless you are mute.
I got a summer internship at a small tech company, and it was awesome. What I did has a noticeable impact on the company, I was treated extremely well there, my coworkers and bosses were awesome, so much so that I'm continuing to work there for pay.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesHells yeah.
Everything you own will be raped.
That's a pretty good deal.
That's a good deal.
@ ftripier: Yr comment owns. hard.
Great header graphic.
ReplyThis article is stupid and boring and whoever wrote it sucks.
Reply....dick.
Hm. I got $10 an hour as a communications intern, and made the same amount I did last summer with 3/4ths the work. And the VP of Communications wrote me a letter of recommendation. Sounds pretty awesome to me.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIf you are getting a degree in Communications, you'd better get used to $10 an hour.
Burn
LOL!!