Internships

Internships serve one and only one purpose: a little line at the bottom of your CV that says, 'Yes I have worked in a professional setting before so you can at least count on me to wear pants to the job interview.'

Just The Facts

  1. Your main job will be to get coffee.
  2. You will also make photocopies.
  3. Even if there are no photocopies to be made.
  4. Both of these tasks will drain your soul.
  5. Mostly you will do nothing.
  6. This will drain your soul the most.

The work your ass off internship

You have forgone a girlfriend, many nights you stayed at home while your friends got hammered, it will be eons till you will see tits that aren't on a flat screen, but it's all worth it! You have managed to get the internship that will be the glorious start to your career!

The first day goes well. You have an orientation where they tell you about all the important operations and key business decisions being made all around you. You head home excited at the prospect of your successful career, having mistakenly assumed that they hadn't properly insulated those business proceedings from the likes of you and your fellow slap dick interns.

You are there to handle menial tasks that the people who actually make those decision don't want to do.

Behind that smile lurks unspeakable nightmares

Sure, I could zip them up myself, but my arms are already crossed you see.

The rest of your internship will feel like an eternity. Coffee, photocopying, data entering and many other demeaning job that you're sure violate human rights. At the end of the day your fingers bleeding, feet aching, head pounding, you drag yourself home copier ink on your face reeking of coffee. Your mom asks, "How was work"? You look at her with your tortured eyes and say "fine." as you pass out to gather strength for the next day

Once it's all over you can hardly believe it, you leave the office with your updated CV and paycheck clutched dearly against your chest, sunshine gleams all around you, the birds chirp, the wind sings, finally you can get back to smoking pot and playing Halo 3.