Old Navy

Old Navy. The home of bad commercials.

We don't know why she doesn't have a nose either.

Old Navy is sending not-so subliminal messages: Eat your children, RUN!

Just The Facts

  1. Old Navy is where many a "price-conscious" teenybopper goes to buy jeans.
  2. They're owned by the Gap.
  3. Its mascot is Paco. I bet you never heard of him until now.

Their Commercials

Old Navy commercials basically consist of mannequins re-enacting America's Next Top Model, with one of them getting eliminated each commercial.This is called the Supermodelquin Super Search. Seriously. They also get random losers to enter their contest (yes, this is all a promo event too) and make little plastics of themselves- literally. Here are the names of the challenges:

"Pose with the plastic pros"

"Modelquin Makeover"

"Lights, cameras, plastic"

And it goes on...

Their Jeans

The most important, significant part of Old Navy is (arguably) their jeans. They name their jeans different names (for example, their low-cut jean is "the diva"). Nobody with these jeans lives up to these names.

If it's a higher cut jean, you're "the flirt" You can also be "the sweetheart" with boot-cut jeans. After all, every cheap hooker that's asleep in an alleyway at 4 AM is such a little sweetie, as long as she has boot-cuts on!

After all, everything is so sweet there. It never gets burglarised, robbed... it's all happy...sure, Old Navy.

The kids' jeans also have names. These are as untrue as the rest.

Their Other Clothing

Here's a picture. Enough said.

If you're too lazy to click on the link, it's a shirt with a walrus. And it says "Old Navy Guy."

All Old Navy guys are fat walruses? WHAT? This makes no sense.

And for all you kiddies out there that want candy, what better way to say it than wearing a shirt that practically screams "diabetes"? Or if you love bad puns, let's try this piece of testicular discharge on for size.

What about women? How about.. hmm? Enough of all his food. How about? OOOHHH! Old Navy's misconception of a Mexican shirt?Sounds good to me.

In conclusion, this store is completely fucking stupid.