Marley And Me

Marley and me is the saddest thing ever made, ever. In the history of everything.

Yeah, this dog dies.

Some humor was added to trick those who didin't like sad movies.

Just The Facts

  1. Marley and me started out as a charity program desinged by the Goverment after finding out that tears could be transferred into a type of liquid that could save lives.
  2. The original paperback material was created by Josh Grogan, so the Goverment could turn it into a really sad movie because, somehow, the death of a dog is much more tragic than the death of a human.
  3. After crying buckets of tears donated by theaters, the "Assistant Managers" would collect the buckets and give them too the Tear Foundation people.

What happens?

The film starts off really rushed, because nobody gives a fuck about anything until the dog enters. When he does, the movie starts to become episodic and show incidents of how Marley obviously has a problem, and shouldn't be handled by inexpierienced couples who have never had a dog. A lot of stupid, unnecessary shit starts to randomly happen to fill up space, like some random extra being stabbed, and the main characters getting kids. Everything looks good until...

The Sad Part

Uh oh, the dog's been remastered to look old. That can't be good.

Eventually, we see the first sign that THE DOG IS GOING TO DIE, when he limps walking up the stairs. Then he has a heart attack(this is when people start to cry), and has to have an operation. The doctor informs Owen Wilson that his dog is going to have another heart attack. Then, Marley makes it home, and everything is happy for one short miniscene when the kids get off the bus, and see Marley. They run with him(this is the last time we see him with any energy), and then we go back to him just lying down around the house. The saddest part comes next(that's right), an emotional bonding scene, where the dog can barley walk up a hill on his last ever walk. Owen Wilson then starts to talk to his dog(everyone in audience has filled up at least 3 buckets by now), and then takes him back home. Then, as Owen Wilson is about to take the dog for a walk, he goes back in to get a coat. The dog then proceeds to move at super speed, and run to the other end of the huge ass mansion property that wilson lives in, hides behind a tree, and passes out.

The End.

Next, the vet tells Owen Wilson that this is it, etc, etc, he would not be able to take another surgery. On the dog's last day at home, the eldest child looks at the dog, and starts to cry, and say "Bye"(this usually fills up a whole bucket for most people), while the excellent mother assures the younger children that the dog will be "Ok"(wtf?). Then, for no explained reason, Owen Wilson goes alone to the vet. As marley is about to be put down, we se clips of the son watching old tapes of marley(2 whole buckets this time, the son is a real tear jerker), and the mom just staring into space. Finally, we actually see Marley being friggin' killed, as the screen starts to zoom out. Next, we see the rest of the peoples at the funeral of Marley. The 2 young kids provide absolutley no sad moments, as all they do is give pictures and letters to the dog in his grave(boring!). Then, the son is asked if he has anything to say, and he replies "He Already Knows"(4 Buckets worth of tears right there), and the Mom gives him a plot device necklace, that Owen Wilson spent hundrends of dollars buying for her(actually pretty damn sad if you watch the movie). Then, since we needed to have that "Final Emotional Moment", the other people leave, and Owen Wilson gives a speech about how dogs pwn humans, The record amount of buckets for this was 631, from a woman in Dallas, who is now in the hall of fame for greatest people of all time. We will now end this article with a picture, that perhaps sums up both the book and the film flawlessley.

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