People On Facebook

NOT DONE QUITE YET According to the teaser trailer to the Facebook Movie, over 500 million people use facebook. This article lists the many "unique" types of people within the facebook universe.

Just The Facts

  1. Apparently over 500 million people have a facebook page
  2. The average person has about 100 to 200 friends (but only talks to about 5 to 10)

The Picture Whore

Everyone knows that person who takes their camera everywhere... and posts pictures of their adventures on Facebook about 5 minutes later. Ladies and gentlemen, we call this person "The Picture Whore". Regardless if this person is an actual whore (which will be discussed later on in this article), they take waaayyyy too many pictures. Usually, these are pictures of themselves taking pictures of themselves.

They are notorious "taggers" and will make sure everyone (especially themselves) are tagged. They can have over 20 photo albums and over 1,000 photos of themselves (sadly, around 900 are photos that they took of themselves).

They are also notorious for posting embarrassing photographs of their "friends", especially of you, for the whole world to see since they don't believe in private photo albums.

Common Picture Whore Status: OMG! Party was AWESOME!! Photos up soon ;D

The "Like" Whore

The "Like" Whore likes everything. Or at least, likes everything according to Facebook.

Common "Like" Whore Status: Tagging multiple fanpage within their status (no matter how mundane it is). i.e. @Eating @Cheeseburgers while @Listening to music and @Texting ("at symbol" used to demonstrate tagging)

The Actual Whore

And no, the small kitten is not the whore. But it does seem rather uncomfortable, probably because the lady who put him there has herpes and a "butterface". The actual whore has photos of him/her doing things that well... probably shouldn't be up on Facebook. In fact, most of these photos probably shouldn't even be online.

The actual whore makes sure their best physical assets are always displayed in their profile picture. If the actual whore is female, this usually consists of huge amounts of cleavage (regardless of her breast size), her ass, or both. If the actual whore is male, usually it's their 6-pack, but sometimes...

Th actual whore will also send "flirty" messages in chat, through the personal message system, or even right upon your wall, no matter if you have a significant other.

Common Actual Whore Status: I woke up with a killer hangover in some random stranger's apartment. LOL sorry @Stupid Boyfriend! It's the last time I swearrrr <3 lol ;)

The "Celebrity"

Can also be called "the friend whore". Even if you just said hi to this person, they will find you. And Friend you. And keep on "friending" you until you accept their friendship.

Common "Celebrity" status: Celebrating my awesomeness!! Woo-HOO!!

The Drama King/Queen

The Person Too Old for Facebook

South Park made me think about this when Stan Marsh was told to "poke" his grandmother. I asked around, and apparently a lot of people are "friends" with their grandparents. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but what the hell is Grandma doing having a facebook page???

Sure, there are those cool

Common Old person status: Dear facebook, How do I write a status update? What exactly is a status update? Thank you very much, (their full name)

The Person Too Young for Facebook

This group usually consists of children

Common child/pre-teen status: i luv listenin to dis song by taylor swift it is awsum! lolollol

The Annoying Guy/Girl that won't leave you alone

Also called "the stalker". This person has to talk to you every time you're online. They comment/"like" all of your status updates. They constantly post things to your wall. And whether you want to admit it or not, they are always checking your wall. Always.

This person could be an ex, a one night stand who just didn't get the hint, someone you hooked up with while drunk and/or high, a old high school girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. But noneless, this person is obsessed. With you.

Common stalker status: @Joe LastName, you never called me back!! lol I loveee youuuu <3 <3

The person who despises Facebook but has one anyways to be "Ironic"

They say they hate facebook. They always are ragging on it. They are always saying how they are going to delete it. But they never do. In fact, they are the ones who are constantly updating their statuses,

Common "Ironic" person status: thinking about deleting my facebook. Fuck facebook, I'm done.

The Creeper

The Invisible Person

Common invisible person status: They normally don't have a status.

The One who takes Facebook Waaaayyyyyy too seriously