Safeway is a place where people come to buy groceries and hope comes to die.

Within the next year, 2 of these people will have put bullets in their brains.

Just The Facts

  1. Safeway is a grocery chain with locations all over the US.
  2. There is possibly a difference between Safeway, Giant, Shoppers, and Genuardi's, but nobody knows what it is.
  3. Every 15 seconds, somebody employed at a Safeway wishes they went to college.


Safeway likes to pretend it is a positive, socially and ethically conscious, equal opportunity employer, but that is simply not true. Yes, it does employ approx. 90% of America's mentally/socially retarded, but some scrutiny should be given to its' methods, since most employees are perfectly healthy, normal Americans when they start work.

It is easy to call Safeway a greedy, money-obsessed evil empire, but the truth is that they only wish this was the case.

"Sorry, we're not doing a special on lentils anymore."

In fact, Safeway has posted losses in the hundreds of thousands of dollars every year [citation needed but will not be found because this is a lie], due to a coupling of the following facts:

1: Customers never pay full price for anything.

2: Employees hate it so much that they committ workplace theft regardless of whether or not they want what they are taking.

Executive VP Larree Renda, sticking it to the Man

Something Much More Awesome Than Safeway