Stubbs The Zombie

Stubbs the Zombie is a really really gory action platformer from Wideload Games. You play as a zombie (obviously) named Edward "Stubbs" Stubblefield and you do what zombies do best, eat people.

His piercing eyes see right through you. Mostly through that gaping hole in your head

This amount of gratuity is required

Apparantly he was deserving of his own mediocre soundtrack

Just The Facts

  1. You get to eat Don Knotts like 100 times
  2. The kids from iCarly aren't in it. Which disappoints me.
  3. Stubbs wears a swanky ass suit

Story

The story takes place on opening day in the retrofuturistic town named Punchbowl, PA. Just think Fallout 3 without the nuclear holocaust. Andrew Monday, billionaire playboy industrialist, has spent millions among millions of dollars on this city, and Stubbs is about to fuck everything up.

What an asshole

Of Course you can't have a zombie video game without a Dance Dance revolution rip off

Or sheep riding

Or zombie piss


"Holy Crap, I gotta go"

But there is an actual plot. Stubbs goes off to some farm and totally destroys everything. In the last part of the level, we learn that this asshole Otis Monday shot Stubbs in the stomach and buried his body out in the wilderness 20 years prior to the event for reasons still unknown. Needless to say Stubbs kills him in a huge explosion before he initially out limps the blast. Great job, Stubbs! that guy was a dick.

The real monster

SPOILERS!!!! Later on after outsmarting scientists and the United States Army, Stubbs learns from an ex-nazi scientist that he was resurrected by radioactive fertilizer. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

.

More powerful than God

Throughout the course of these really retarded events Stubbs falls in love with Maggie Monday, Andrew Monday's busty mama. Near the end of the game Maggie recognizes Stubbs as a former lover 20 years ago. This is where the story gets deep. Stubbs was once a struggling traveling salesman during the Great Depression (great career choice). Stubbs pulled up to Otis' farmhouse. The sexually curious Maggie opens the door, takes one look at him, pulls him inside and, you guessed it, Stubbs sends her straight to pound town.

What a player.

Unfortunately Otis spots Stubbs porking his daughter and kills him. 2 weeks later she learns that she's got a little sonething something to remember him by. That's right, Stubbs is the father of the billionaire industry mogul very much to Andrew's dismay. Which all adds up to this dramatic conclusion. At this point Stubbs embraces his former love in tear jerker romance slow motion running toward each other fashion. Then he promptly eats her brains. After this there is a final show down between a heavily armed man with an energy shield, seemingly unlimited ammunition and tons of security and this crippled dead guy. So of course Stubbs will win. Before finishing that ungrateful little twerp off however zombie Maggie stops him at the last second to which Stubbs reluctantly agrees

The old ball and chain

They both leave arm-in-arm to a rowboat conveniantly located around the back of the building. They both row away and narrowly escapes a nuclear blast and they lean in for the old 1950's totally gross I love Lucy zombie smooch.

A heartwarming tale of romance and severed limbs

Gameplay

You play as a zombie so naturally you are gonna be slow but somehow you are faster and smarter than everybody in town. In short, almost everyone is as helpless as a baby.

He has a fighting chance

Stubbs also has undead superpowers he can torture his enemies with. He can pull out his organs out of that gaping hole in his stomach and throw it at people. Here's the kicker. It can explode like a grenade. He has other creepy powers like removing his head and bowl it to a group of people somehow killing them in the process. You can rip off your arm throw it at a somehow unsuspecting person and control him like a puppet. The final power is a huge fart blast that stuns enemies which gives you plenty of time to snatch their arms off and beat them to death with them.

real family friendly entertainment

This game is built with the "Halo Engine" which is a dorky way of saying that a few people who made Halo helped design this game. Which means that the graphics look similar and I think why it was only made for Xbox about 5 years ago. Understandably I'm a little late to the punch with writing this review.