Knights Of The Old Republic

KOTOR is a Star Wars video game released in 2003, it happens to be the best Star Wars video game ever.

Just The Facts

  1. You take control of a character that totally was never the leader of the Sith (where would you get that idea)
  2. It paved the way for other great bioware games like Mass Effect and Dragon Age.
  3. The plot twist in this game would make M. Night Shamylaan cry himself to sleep.

Characters

Bastila

Assuming your not a girl or a homosexual you probably chose a to play as a male, which makes her your primary love interest. Oh yes, so after about 50 painful conversations about the jedi code and why there's no way you can escape the dark side, you'll get a flimsy off screen kiss. Bastila is the kind of chick who is always PMSing, just don't talk to her or do any of her side missions.

Carth

Carth is a legendary Republic warrior, and possibly the whiniest person in the game, which is saying something. He loves to keep secrets and you only get to learn them in between temper tantrums that are rivaled only by MTV's Sweat 16. And the greatest part is CARTH IS YOUR FIRST PARTY MEMBER; for a good 10 hours he's also your only party member as well.

Mission

Imagine if Miley Cirrus was blue and had a laser. That's mission. She's arguably the least used party member and is definitely the most annoying. All she ever wants to talk about is her stupid brother and how she's stupid and stuff. Stupid!

Zaalbar

Imagine Chewbacca... that's about it. Not much you can do with a giant hairball that speaks in growls. Your character does speak wookie, but Big Z never wants to talk which give him points above bitchier character like Carth and Bastila.

Jolee

The old sassy black jedi. He's pretty much every old person you ever met with a lightsaber. He tells endless shitty jokes and story's that go on for ever. He rambles inanely and is genarly unpleasant to talk to. You meet him living alone at the bottom of a forest in a swamp. That's where every elderly person should go if you ask me.

Canderous

Canderous is actually pretty cool. The closest he comes to bitching is telling you you're not evil enough. The only stories he tells you are of mass murder and genocide. His whole deal is he's tired of being a bloodthirsty mercenary and wants to kill people all over the galaxy.

C3-P... errr I mean T3-M4

No really, that's it.

HK47

Okay, so in the Star Wars movies you get the OCD inflicted gay robot and in KOTOR you get HK47, the wise-cracking evil assassin robot.

Johani

Johani is part cat, part Dracula, all anoying. You had to either return her to the light side her kill her. She offers the most boring back story in the game and she even has the hots for you character, sorry there's not enough Zema on Tatoine to make that happen!

Malak

The bad guy who's totally not like Darth Vader. He has to wear a helmet due to physical injuries, he kills his own men if they don't agree with him, he was a great jedi but sadly turned to the Dark Side, HE EVEN BLEW UP A WHOLE PLANET! But no totally not Darth Vader.

Planets

Tarris- This is the first planet in the game. This level is pretty painful. You aren't a jedi yet, your only two party members are Carth and Mission for most of the level. It's pretty much your generic dystopian future planet. The higher up in the city the richer the people are. The top is filled with Xenophobic snoody assholes and the very bottom is homeless peasents that constantly turn into ape like monster.

Dantooine- The serine home of the jedis. Filled with touchy feely light side missions that really make want consider the sith. In this level you find possibly the only Rocky esk montage ever in Star Wars, where your character learns the ways of the jedi in a good 30 seconds. The ultra liberal hippy jedi garbage gets old fast so you it won't be very sad leaving this planet

Tatooine- Even though KOTOR takes place thousands of years before the Star Wars movies Tatooine is exactly the same. There's not much you can add on to a giant desert planet. You have missions with the sand people where you find out that there pretty much not evil, just stupid. And you fight a dragon.

Kashyyyk- This is a giant forest filled with wookies and other giant evil monsters. You get to free the opressed wookies from the evil Czerka corporation. Be sure to buy anything good that the Czerka shopkeeper has before the Wookiees decide to take over because they apparently eat all of the incredibly awesome equipment he has for sale. You'll also pick up Jolee here and get to fight some invisible Mandalorians.

Manaan- I hope you like underwater missions! Manaan is probably the least fun planet to visit thanks to several frustratingly difficult puzzles and more than one mission where you walk around slowly underwater. It's basically a single large city that is floating on a gigantic world-spanning ocean and ruled over by the neutral race of fish people there.

Korriban- Home to both the evil Czerka corporation and the evil Sith training academy. You can expect very few friendly welcomes and a lot of chances to either kill people or have very homoish light side results where you let them go.

The unknown planet- OOOH MYSTERY?!? This planet is actually pretty crazy, you crash land here and have to fight all these crazy natives and stuff like that. It just give you an unsetteling feeling.

The Star Forge- It's very mysterious... what can it be, maybe a STAR FORGE. This is where the final battle takes place and the whole game leads up to it. You have to fight Malak, and if you don't know what your doing this could be a challange.