Iron Man

The power of Iron Man (A.K.A. Tony Stark) can only be fully understood through the 3 B's: Battle Armor, Booze, and Boners.

An average day in the life of Tony Stark

Just The Facts

  1. Created by Stan Lee in order to comment on the Cold War
  2. Relies on his engineering skills rather than super powers
  3. HIs suit is the most powerful piece of weaponry created
  4. It is also flamboyantly painted
  5. Every guy on earth wants one

Battle Armor

Iron Man's most distinguishing characteristic is, of course, his gold and red battle armor (allegedly a tribute to the colors of Gryffindor House from the Harry Potter franchise), which he created when he was kidnapped and forced to build a missile for enemy militants. So a man who was doted on his whole life and had no training in survival or espionage managed to build this weapon surpassing all current advancements in computer programming, nuclear physics, and metallurgy while being constantly monitored by enemy militants over a mere matter of days. This is either a gaping plot hole, or Al Qaeda has been taken over by people who have absolutely no idea what anything looks like.

"Ash Tray"

Tony also made them this ash tray.


Iron Man is also an alcoholic. In fact, the problem got so bad that at one point in the comic series he had to give up being a superhero altogether. While he isn't the first comic book character to be plagued with crippling psychological issues, we have to say that his are probably the most fun at keggers. Just make sure he has a designated driver who knows how to operate a flying suit of armor (knowledge of a manual transmission is a plus).

Tony Stark gets a DUI

[Okay Tony, keep it together, keep it together...crap, I just threw up in my mouth a little.]


If there's anything that surpasses Iron Man's technological prowess and love of expensive scotch, it's his libido. In the 2008 film, it takes no less than 10 minutes of screen time before he manages to bone a journalist who, by all outward appearances, despises him (so we guess there's more than one way to conquer your enemies...BA-ZING!). He later makes an Austin Powers-esque display of creepy sexuality by unveiling the stripper poles he had installed on his private jet, treating himself and his buddy James Rhodes to a strip show put by his flight attendants. On their way to the Middle East. Where they will be unveiling horrifying anti-terror missiles that shoot smaller anti-terror missiles. Maybe there's something about all the phallic imagery of hundreds of exploding rockets that turns him on.

Tony Stark with a model

Pictured: The only grown man since the middle ages to wear a suit of armor in public and still get laid.

Or maybe he just likes naked ladies. Yeah, it's the naked ladies.