Colton Harris-Moore

Colton Harris-Moore is the nineteen-year-old every nineteen-year-old secretly wants to be: a young, fit, wanted criminal who lives through plane crashes and has over 91,000 Facebook friends.

He's flying both planes.

Just The Facts

  1. Colton Harris-Moore, until his recent capture, has been living on his own, on and off, since the age of seven.
  2. Some of Harris-Moore's greater acheivments include stealing five small aircrafts with no pilot training, and crashing only one.
  3. After crashing said aircraft, Harris-Moore emerged from the rubble, dusted off his knees, blew fire from his nostrals, and ravished a virgin.

Colton Harris-Moore: His Life

Colton Harris-Moore, also known as the Barefoot Bandit, spent the last 12 years of his life supporting himself through petty crime after taking to the woods to persue life as a feral child.

Not pictured: lice, druggie dad.

In the Bahamas, where Harris-Moore flew in a plane he learned how to fly from a video game, the bandit was apprehended after a high speed boat chase. A disgusted James Bond has advised Harris-Moore to cool the fuck down with gimmicks.