20 Things The Goverment Will Do Once The World Is Over Populated

It's just a matter of time, the world in all of its hugeness will one day become overpopulated, and when that day comes who will save us from ourselves? The government of course!

Grass roots Eugenics groups secretly sponsored by the government.

Grandma À la carte

Just The Facts

  1. The world is in many places already densely populated, to the point of over population.
  2. China, the most populous country in the world, and in the past decade has seen an increase in population of over 61 million people.
  3. The 'One Child Policy' in China has prevented an estimated 250 million births in the same span of ten years.
  4. Populous rates are on the rise at an alarming rate.

What you might not know.

In the past decade the world population has risen by approximately 800 million people, one fourth of those were from India alone. You can see that the world population is by the top ten most populous countries already becoming a <a href="http://www.internetworldstats.com/images/pop2010.png" rel="nofollow" >problem.</a> With such an alarming rate of population growth it is an undeniable fact that the world's governments will be forced to quell the onslaught of people procreating at levels nearly equal to that of common sewer rats. (No, I'm not saying you're part of the issue here, nor am I comparing you to a rat. You'd have to be getting laid to be part of that statistic.)

In short, it will be no time before the government (yours included) will have to resort to the ideologies of the PRC (People's Republic of China) to stay off overpopulation and the hand in hand afflictions of it such as starvation, under stocked medical clinics, and to densely populated cities.

The simple fact is that your government is looking into ways to solve the issue of overpopulation both before and after it occurs. The problem is that once it occurs it's too late. This leaves you with the short end of the stick, or for a better analogy, they will FUCKING KILL YOU. On the upsides I've constructed a list of plausible ways they'll make sure you are good and dead. I figure it's something to help bide your time until they come knocking at your door.... for the greater good.

20: The first thing your government may do if it's not already doing it to employ family planning education. The education is commonly quality of life centric as opposed to quantity. Science has shown it helps curb population growth, and science is science!

19: Your government may realize that educating people is a futile and down right useless tactic, at which point they may provide incentives to entice you to stop having so many damn kids. (I'm looking at you Catholics) Government incentives could range from tax breaks to not killing you and having sex with your wife!

18: As a last ditch effort to be a seemingly nice guy your government might take a note from the policy play book of South Korea in which women with two or more children are allowed free hysterectomies. ( For the uneducated brutes amongst us a hysterectomies is when a woman has her "tubes" tied, effectively stopping the passage of eggs into her uterus.)

17: They may go the way of China and deploy policies restricting the number of offspring you may have. Although countries will differ on how many children they will allow you can expect to see a sharp increase in baby executions.

16: When that fails they will enact mandatory birth control, i.e. they'll put spermicide in your water or inject it into your food. Chemical castration optional! (Chemical castration will not be optional)

15: Random at birth castrations and hysterectomies. Much like a chemical castration, except less chemical and more slice and dice your genitals.

14: Forced abortions may become common place, first with those who are over the child limit and later at random. It's like the lottery, wherein your vagina is the ticket and the prize is a government employed medical professional shoving a coat hanger inside of your vertical "grand canyon."

13: Heaven forbid if the aforementioned methods don't work because if they don't your government is going to stay playing hardball. That being said the government will for sure hire testicular lesion inducing experts to run amuck in the cities of your country and kick men in the jollies. Better start wearing a cup.

12: During the Korean war we saw the Chinese government enact a policy of sending waves of men to the front lines with minimal to zero firepower to be mowed down by machine gun fire and artillery strikes. Imagine that you get to be the grass and the government is your Mexican gardener, except the gardener isn't banging your wife, yet.

11: Ok, now he's banging your wife. And while we are talking about banging your wife, tell her I said hi, she'll know what I mean. It has become a known fact that there are individuals who are <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3afe74b6fd/bed-intruder-autotune-remix" rel="nofollow" >rapin errbody out herr.</a> The government, your government will play a large roll in this "rapin" by forcing you to watch them have graphic forced sex with your grandmother, and grandfather if it so suits them. This will in turn cause you to become flaccid and genetically useless every time the horrific image of your grandmother (and grandfather) crosses your mind. Her once supple loins being spread and her nether regions ravaged in an animalistic fashion by your tax auditor. Meanwhile your grandfather masturbates in the corner, upon climaxing only dust puffs out of his shriveled penis.

10:Your government may result to sound warfare by blasting insistently the works of Cher and Barbra Streisand over loudspeakers. No way can anyone get their "groove" on with that playing, and your government knows it.

9: Your government knows that the only way you got your most recent conquest to sex you up right and good is because she was heavily inebriated and probably didn't fully consent to the epileptic body hump that you tried to pass off as sex. Knowing this your government is going to straight out ban the sale and consumption of alcohol and other intoxicants. With such an edict in place they know that no one in their right of mind will think your Pontiac Aztek is <a href="http://a332.g.akamai.net/f/332/936/12h/www.edmunds.com/media/roadtests/spinaroundtown/02.pontiac.aztek/02.pontiac.aztek.camp.500.jpg
" rel="nofollow" >"totally cool because the back of it turns into a tent."</a> (And we wonder why Pontiac went out of business...)

8: Mandatory Pontiac Azteks for every man. Enough said

7: No, you know what Pontiac, FUCK YOU!

6: Your government may already be doing this in the form of state provided meals for children in public schools. have you ever wondered why those things are so cheap? It turns out they are made from bits of your great aunt Jannice who you haven't seen in a few years and her creepy friend who totally isn't her boyfriend, he's just a friend really. Your government may take the most readily available source of cheap meat it has, the dead. They take the mass of goo that had at one time been your great aunt Jannice and they turn her into the modern day equivalent of Soylent green.

5: When your government finds out that all of its past population growth stunting techniques have failed they will most likely employ "voluntary" life reduction techniques, which in short means they'll take you out back and do you "Old Yeller" style. Except instead of crying over your rabid infested shell of a human being they'll gun you down from behind as your kneel in front of a mass grave where the public library use to be as you cry and beg for your life. (They enjoy your tears, and in fact only want to shoot you that much more for not manning up about this whole situation.)

4: By this point your government will realize that it needs to take more drastic steps in curbing the outbreak of fornication and resulting population growth. It is quite possible that a "shortage" of crops and other foodstuffs which will mean that you wont get to eat. Your stash of Jack Links and Campbell's soup wont last long when the only food left in your country is, well, your Jack Links jerky and Campbell's soup. By curbing the amount of readily available food on the market those who can't farm, hunt, or at least scavenge like a raccoon hopped up on quaaludes will most definitely die in the first few months. The positive light in this situation is that you wont have to eat any more Jack Links, and your slowly putrifying corpse will be perfect stock for...

3: Soylent Green, you may be too young to have seen it but know this, *SPOILER* Soylent green is people. That being said, it is quite likely that the government will either A: round up the corpses of those dying in the streets and turn them into nutrition pellets for the masses or B: straight up murder your grandma and process her into convenient on the go green squares of jelly. Think of it this way, grandma will always be with you now, in mind and body and soul

2: If the population is still over exceeding its limits you may be expecting you government will give up trying to kill you, but you're wrong, dead wrong. With the scourge of humanity surpassing its sustainable limits of the Earth and all of her naturey stuff the government, yours, will likely be forced to extremes, namely leaving you to your own devices. This may seem like a not-too-shabby outcome, but I want you to think about this, really let it sink in. All those laws that so conveniently stop people from murdering you for being a pompous dick, and all those nifty cops who enforce those laws will be gone. It will be an all out <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-T7yPJVvXw" rel="nofollow" >Battle Royale.</a> Except instead of a bunch of Japanese teens being forced to kill each other in a government sponsored blood sport it will be a survival of the fittest. That tube of Cheese Whiz sure wont help you win any fights to the death, unless of course your biggest competitors for survival are allergic to orange shit in a can.

1: Congratulations on making it this far! Too bad the government's final plan to quell the sea of humping and the all out procreation-fest will be to nuke everyone, because if the government can't win, no one wins.

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