Girl Scouts

The Girl Scouts are a terrifyingly large organization of young girls with its own handshake, law, and economic export. Who knows what the Girl Scouts could accomplish should their power be harnessed for evil?

Just The Facts

  1. The first Girl Scout troop was organized in 1912, in Savannah, Georgia.
  2. It has since grown to over 230,000 troops
  3. The Tagalongs are the best, right? The Tagalongs and the Thin Mints? The Lemon Chalet Cremes are bullshit.

A Nation Unto Themselves: Should We Fear the Green Vest?

Nearly 4 million girls are currently members of the Girl Scouts of the USA. Over 50 million American women are Girl Scout alumni. If there is a woman sitting next to you, there is a 32% chance that she is ONE OF THEM.

Not only that, but the organization has spread its cookie'd tentacles throughout the world. The World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (called WAGGGS, pronounced Wah-Gug-Gug-Gug-essss) is made up of 10 million members in 145 countries.

Let's put that in perspective. There are about 1.47 million active members of the US Armed Forces.

As of 2008, there were 883,600 policemen and detectives in America.

There are around 3,000 Bengal Tigers left in the world.

So if all of the policemen and all of active soldiers in America came to battle riding on all of the Bengal Tiger in the WHOLE WORLD, they would still be WAY OUT NUMBERED by Girl Scouts.

four girl scouts doing the pledge

The New World Order

Cookies: Girl Scouts and the Spirit of Capitalism

retro girl scout cookie poster

In Soviet Russia, over-priced cookies are guilted into buying YOU!

The sale of Girl Scout Cookies is the largest girl-led business in the United States. Maybe because it's impossible to say no to little girls pedaling sugar.

girl scout chart cookie guilt

Adult Girl Scouts

According to the Girl Scout of the USA web site, adult women can join Girl Scouts even if they weren't Scouts as children, even if they don't have a child in Girl Scouts.

Their cat and lean cuisine will miss them.

sexy girl scout costume

You're picturing her.

simpson cat lady

But we both know it's going to be her.