Penis Size

I'll be honest with you guys, I picked this topic a year ago when I thought it would be funny. I looked back on it, and realized dick jokes were a craft I had yet to master. I re-wrote it, and so without further ado, I give you: THE MOST TASTELESS PA

This guy is huge.

This guy is tiny. Oh it's true, it's damn true.

Pictured above: A gigantic rod.

Just The Facts

  1. The largest penis in the world is 7 inches long erect. That also happens to be my penis.
  2. Okay, if you are seriously interested, the actual longest is 13.5 inches, and it belongs to Jonah Falcon, the white guy pictured above.
  3. There's a 50% chance that you might have a penis.
  4. If you don't have a penis, there's a 95% chance that you have a vagina.
  5. Contrary to what website adds say (yeah, you know the websites I'm talking about), there is no "natural" way to increase penis size, without seeing a doctor.

The different Classifications of every mans favourite little guy.(Sorry if anyone takes offence to the term "little")

In order from Smallest to Largest

The Innie-Yes, the innie penis does in fact exist. It is like a belly button, except not as normal and not as sexy .

The MegaChode-A chode is, of course, a sausage that is more wide then it is long. A MegaChode is basicly a pancake.

The Needle-The opposite of the chode, the needle is longer then it is wide. This not only makes for an impressive length, but also comes in handy during a sword fight.

The Third Ball-No, I'm not talking about three testicles. I'm talking about a johnson that looks like a baseball. To give you a better description, it basicly looks like the triangle you make with pool balls before a game, except with only three of them.

The Hairball-You may not actually have a little prick, you just haven't clipped your hedge in a while so it looks that way. CHEWBACCA, WHAT A WOOKIE!

The Average-If your length measures from the range of four inches to eight inches, you are most likely normal. Then again, if you're insecure enough to actually measure your junk, you probably have a whole different problem all together.

Your Grandma-Sometimes you'll come across a member that is covered in veins. I like to call this Your Grandma. Why? Because unless your mom is 25, your grandma is covered in veins too!

The Hooded Vandil-This is another average size, but it wears a hood. Why? Is it to hide your shame? Is it to sneak in and out of your girlfriends snatch without her noticing? No! It's because your parents thought it would be a good idea to make sure you could never become a pornstar. I am sorry if i offended any uncircumcised men reading this, and I also feel sorry for you.

The Skyscraper-After you run into one of these, no matter what you'll always go home, run into the bathroom and check yourself in the mirror. Everyone did this after they watched Pamela Andersons sex tape.

The Ball and Chain-This is what we mere mortals like to call "Blue Balls". The effect of not getting any is that your dick shrinks smaller while your balls get larger. At least, thats what Eminem told us.

The Monster-You know that freind you have, who you only hang out with because his house if nicer then yours? You know that big, long spiral staircase he has? Now, you see that raling that twirls around that big, long staircase? Yeah.

So that is basicly the field guide for the male genitalia. And if i offended you, I'd apologize but I'm too busy laughing how small yours must be.