Relationships don't make you happy. Breakups do. Unless you are being broken up with. In that case I'm not talking to you.

Just The Facts

  1. 63% of relationships breakup because of cheating, arguments over stupid things like if The Office will be better with or without Steve Carell (it will suck), broke ass boyfriends, girlfriends who want to keep your balls in a glass case next to the nightstand
  2. 35% of relationships breakup because one person refused to get a facebook and the other person wants an official relationship
  3. 2% of relationships breakup because you are on a romantic picnic with your boyfriend when you are both kidnapped. But really he kidnapped you and then tried to convince you it was someone else but you should still marry him. (See breakup articles)

Why We Should Pity the Person Breaking Up the Relationshit...ship

We have all had a friend go through a breakup. They cry, eat sweets like they're fighting anorexia and make you hate the person who broke up with them and want to defile their property.

Stop falling for this pity party ploy!

Nothing is harder during a breakup than being the person ripping out the other one's heart.

First of all, everyone automatically assumes you are the bad guy because their friend is so awesome there is no reason you should ever want to break up with them, even though they may have given you herpes or pig flu, your love should have no boundaries.

Should love be blind? You decide.

Love isn't all that is blind.

Second of all, if you are a person who can still feel emotions or has a soul, the next few hours following the breakup is like drowning in your own guilt and trying to find a way to fix your karma resulting in an excess of actions which can be fatal or drive you to do something like this.

Brad post-Jen break up. This is serious stuff people. Have some sympathy.

Brad post-Jen breakup. This is serious stuff people. Have some sympathy.

Lastly, you are pretty much scarred for life from the breakup. So the next time the situation arises you either pretend to be dead or gay. Or you break up with them on facebook.

Typical facebook break up.

Typical facebook breakup.

So the next time you are about to buy a vuvuzela and follow around the person who broke your friend's heart blowing in their ear until it bleeds. Consider this, if it weren't for breakups, all those babies in Africa wouldn't have become famous. So cut them a break.

Not a joke.