Howard Stern

Whether spending his day reinventing radio, getting Carmen Electra on the sybian or calling Rachel Hunter a "cunt", Howard Stern fits in more awesome by 10am, than you do in your whole life.&&(navigato

That's right. This guy is way cooler than you'll ever be.

He married this chick... No. Seriously.

Just The Facts

  1. Howard Stern is the nations #1 employer of strippers, stutterers, geeks, dweebs, racists, pornstars, retards and Artie Lange.
  2. According to Angie Everheart he's better in bed than Rambo
  3. Proved that titties are awesome even when you can't see them, cause they're on the radio

The future legend

Howard grew up as a middle class Jewish kid in Roosevelt, Long Island. It's believed that the areas black population was very welcoming and excepting of the future "King Of All Media", and that he constantly had to wade through waist high mounds of boobs.[citation needed]

Actually Howard's early life is believed to have been something like this...

Howard (yawning and stretching in bed)

Oh boy, another day! I can't wait to see what it will bring!

Ben Stern

I told you not to be stupid you moron. Shut up, sit down!

Rae Stern

Howard let me take your rectal temperature

Random Black Guy

C'mere you big nosed jew fuck! (punch, kick, punch, kick)

Howard (yawning and stretching in bed)

Oh boy, another day! I can't wait to see what it will bring!

What the movie taught me

In 1997 Howard released "Private Parts". It was a funny and tender love story that he wrote for his wife Allison Stern whom he met when the two were in colllege. In the movie Stern and partners in comedy Fred, and Robert Quivers (a very feminine looking black man) have many career challenges until they are finally hired by Paul Giamatti and then I assume everything worked out for them. I don't really know, I fell asleep. Also one of Howard Stern's kids are delivered at an AC/DC concert.

Fort those about to crown, we salute you!!

"For those about to crown, we salute you!"

Next up...Divorce

The movie was well received upon its' release in 1997. Many people marvelled at the tender love Stern expressed for his wife in the film, many people except his wife that is. Allison Stern filed for divorce in 1999 leaving Howard a bachelor. So he did what any newly unmarried man would do...

he totally boned Angie Everheart

He totally boned Angie Everheart

Stern was uncharacteristically quiet about his conquests post marriage, but Everheart claimed he was her best lover ever, better than Stallone...

" I find that hard to believe"

"I find that hard to believe"

Feuds

A personality like Stern's is bound to have its' detracters. Most of Stern's more vocal critics are rivals in the entertainment business. Men like Opie and Anthony

"we're not copying you"

"we're not copying you"

John Dibella

"I got my ass kicked"

" I got my ass kicked"

Bubba The Love Sponge

" I have lost, and now I will work for you"

"I have lost, and now I will work for you"

None of the above however are bigger douchebags than ex-comedian Jay Leno

I say ex-comedian because he hasn't been funny for years.

I say ex-comedian because he hasn't been funny for years.

Jay stole bits from Howard's show, including that lame "Jaywalking" thing, and Howard let it go. But then Jay crossed the line, he went behind Howard's back and hired this guy...

Walking punchline, Stuttering John Melendez

Walking punchline, Stuttering John Melendez

If there was any justice in the world Leno would have stolen these guys also...

not pictured: comedy, dignity, heterosexuality

not pictured: comedy, dignity, heterosexuality

Images

Any article on Howard Stern could go on forever, the man has saved people from suicide, reunited familes and kept Artie Lange mostly alive for years.

"I'm rich and famous, hooray!"

"I'm rich and famous, hooray!"

Howard must be hailed for bringing life to the long over due death of radio, inspiring countless comedians and guerilla interviews of self-indulgent celebrities. He's also responsible for George Takei being known for more than "Star Trek".

But in the end, Howard's true legacy is Lesbians, titties and sybian rides

In the word's of the Iron Sheik, if you don't like Stern...