Genesis 19

Genesis 19 is a chapter in the Bible. It describes in detail why you should never talk to strangers.

Just The Facts

  1. Genesis 19 is proof that the Bible was written by a bunch of sadistic fucks.
  2. Either that or an early V.C. Andrews manuscript traveled back in time.
  3. Whatever the case, Genesis 19 is seriously fucked up.

Rapists in the Town Square

God was tired of all the sinning going down in Sodom and Gomorrah and he was ready to go smite both cities off the map, but he promised Abram he would make sure there weren't any good folks living there. He sent a couple of angels to check things out, and the first person they saw when they got to Sodom was Lot, Abram's nephew. The angels said they planned to spend the night in the town square, but Lot insisted they come back to his place instead because the street was a dangerous place for a couple of handsome gents like them.

Pretty soon, Lot's house was surrounded by horny Sodomites who wanted Lot to hand over the strangers so the townspeople could rape them. Lot went outside and told the men they could have his virgin daughters if they'd leave the strangers alone. Because, you know, it's okay to rape girls. The townsfolk weren't interested, though. They tried to force their way into the house, and that's when the angels struck them all with blindness.

Escape!

The angels told Lot it was super nice of him to try and distract the would-be rapists with his daughters. They said he seemed like a cool guy and he should get the hell out of Dodge before God showed up. Lot took his sweet ass time getting ready to go, and the angels finally just picked him up and put him outside the city along with his wife and daughters. The angels told them to run away and DON'T LOOK BACK. When Lot and his family were safely in the nearest city, God threw all his fire and brimstone at Sodom and Gomorrah. Just like a woman, Lot's wife decided the angels' instructions didn't apply to her and she looked back to see what was going on. She was turned into a pillar of salt.

Having Babies is Important

Lot didn't want to live in the city for some reason, so he took his daughters to live with him in a cave in the hills where he could be sure they would never see people again. Unfortunately, this included potential suitors for his daughters. Since every woman's purpose in life is to have children, and desperate times call for desperate measures, the girls got their father drunk and had sex with him. They both got pregnant and had a couple of monster incest babies.

Conclusion

It doesn't pay to be nice to strangers. Sure, Lot was saved from being blown up with the rest of Sodom and Gomorrah, but he spent the rest of his life in a cave with his daughters and grandsons/sons.