Maryland-That gooey stuff between Virginia and Pennsylvania
Maryland can best be classified as the city of Baltimore and the stuff outside of Baltimore.
Anyway, let's get to Baltimore: Baltimore was named after Lord Baltimore. Our history book never gave him a first name so it's quite possible he had a really sucky first name like Franklin or Alexis and just wanted to leave it out of the equation.
Either way, we'll never really know what his first name is so let's put that to rest. We could use the internet to look it up, but goddamnit, if I have to use the internet to search every little fact-Ok, Cecilius Calvert was his name.
Baltimore is a really cool city with the Inner Harbor where they have all sorts of shops and attractions like the Aquairum, the "Top of the World" Observatory, the Science Museum and the Maritime Museum. Plus they really want you to like them. The official Visit Baltimore website boasts in a very passive-aggressive tone towards the cretins who refuse to equate the city's cultural artifacts with its neighbors to the North: "With the rich history the city boasts however, it's amazing that Baltimore hasn't been deemed one of America's greatest historical destinations."
Some of this passive-aggressiveness stems from the fact that Baltimore is a pretty big deal. It's also sort of sandwiched between a lot of cities that are also bigger deals: Philadelphia, New York, Washington D.C., and New Jersey which is slowly turning into one big urban dump.
If the TV show "The Wire" is to be believed, Baltimore is a hotbed of murder and drugs. No one here at Cracked.com has ever been murdered in Baltimore or offered us any drugs (which, depending on the drug, could potentially be awesome). It also helps that we're based in California.
Speaking of crime, Edgar Allen Poe possibly got murdered there. He was found drunk and beaten on the streets, and he hadn't been heard from for days, so it was all kind of a mysterious fucked-up situation no one knew what to make of and I don't think I could find out what happened to him in a google search:
Poe is arguably Baltimore's most famous native son. They named the football team "The Ravens" after him.
Another guy who's a big deal in Baltimore and all of Maryland is Cal Ripken. He's one of the few baseball players in the last 25 years who managed to avoid steroids, marital infidelity, or strangling cats with his bare hands (Yep, we're looking at you Pujols).
There are other cities in Maryland besides Baltimore, but we're pretty sure you've never heard of them.
Honestly, some of these places-Chevy Chase, Hancock, Damascus-sound like pranks a cartographer played when charting out the state that no one ever bothered to see if anyone lived there.. I mean, come on, buddy, there's already a Damascus in Syria. There's also a Bel Air in Maryland and the rumors are true that when this article's author was growing up, he thought the Will Smith TV show took place there and wanted to take his parents to Bel-Air really badly.
Maryland is home to a lot of things.