Some song lyrics are beautiful. Some are funny. Some are just god damned idiotic (I'm looking at YOU, Pink Floyd). It's time they were exposed!
We don't need no education;
REALLY, Pink Floyd? Because anyone with an education would understand that it's grammatically incorrect to use double negatives. Only one line in, and you've already disproved your own damn argument.
Upset about something?
What?s going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can?t see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what?s the name of this club?
I can?t remember but it?s alright, a-alright
Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
I think this sort of situation requires more than merely dancing....
It's a WATERMELON, Miss Perry
You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Look, I get that your saying that he changes his mind frequently. But if that was true, the lyrics should be:
You change your mind as often as a girl changes clothes
The original lyrics imply that he changes his mind similar to the way girls change clothes. How DO girls change clothes? And how is it similar to changing minds? Please explain.
Please, please explain. By example, if you must.
Bland. Just like the Fray's cover version. Zing!
In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?
Who is "them?" Who is "He"? Who is "She"? Who is "You"? Quit playing the pronoun game, Kanye/White Guy from American Idol!
So what? I don't know.
So what? I'm still a rock star!
Bzzt. Wrong. You are actually a POP star. It says so on iTunes. If you can't figure out your own damn GENRE, we have another problem other than your man leaving you.
What was he thinking?
Eyes on the road, bitch
I don't mind you coming here
wasting all my time
'Cause when you're standing oh so near
I kinda lose my mind
I think I kind of would mind if someone's very presence made me insane.
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine
I do too. You know WHY? Because it's ALWAYS the end of the world as we know it. Think about it; every second a child is born. The world as we knew it didn't have that child in it. And yet we don't notice.
Most of you didn't know this book existed. And that saddens me.
And even if he's talking about some catastrophic event, why the FUCK do you feel fine? You should be at least mildly concerned.
Nuclear war.... What?
We're on this list TWICE?
Well she's my best friend's girl
She's my best friend's girl
but she used to be mine
And he's still your best friend? Pretty forgiving, dude.
You have made Jesus proud.
She really wants to be a man.
Heaven ain't close in a place like this
Wait.... Are the places, geographically, that ARE closer to heaven than others? No, there aren't. You know why? Because heaven isn't a physical place. You can't reach it; it's just as close to New York as it is to the Blue Heron Cheese Factory in Tillamook (which, by the by, has a great selection of sandwiches, but that's really neither here nor there). Geez, shouldn't a Mormon know this?
I mean, I get that you could achieve their idea of heaven by playing the game Spore, but still...
I'd make a comment on irreverence, but that'd be pretty hypocritical after the Spore comment. And it MIGHT be reverent. Although I doubt it.
Jesus stole my girlfriend.
Really? Wow, you must be some kind of loser, because Jesus didn't even try. Did she become a nun? Or did you mean Jesus, but pronounced the way Spanish people pronounce it, and you were just an ignorant American who misread the name on the note? If you are, you probably didn't follow that.
Join the club, they've got jackets.
Leave your body and soul at the door
Why the FUCK would we go to a party where we leave our body AND soul at the door? I get leaving your body, it's like a ghost party. Until you tell us to leave our soul! What's going to the party then? Nothing! Is the party at the door? Wouldn't it get crammed with all our bodies? I mean, I guess floating souls don't take space.... But where the hell are we going to put the chips?
A party without Fanta is not a party worth contemplating
What is this?
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
What about sleep? On a side note, maybe you could call up Oingo Boingo? They've got some wild parties my friend.
Slightly more original than R.E.M.
I used to rule the world
See sun rise when I gave the word
Ok, I don't believe that the Earth's rotation has much to do with ruling the world. And if it did, how did you only USED to rule the world? You're seemingly omnipotent! How does someone dethrone you?
According to THIS asswipe, it's so easy a child could do it!
I included Coldplay AGAIN!
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,
Not all stars are yellow. Some are red. Some are orange. Others are blue. Fuchsia stars have been reported, but such claims are unverified.
And the butterfly ties in....
Help I'm Alive
My heart keeps beating like a hammer
Why do you want help if you're alive? Are you in trouble? If so, could you be a bit more specific? How are we supposed to help you if you just tell us you're alive?
"We're looking for a human being...."
"Thanks, Will, you're a big help."
I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Umm... If she hasn't said that yet, why are you living together?
Do you see a butterfly HERE, Metric?
Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage
Frankly, I don't see how the mere act of having rage will get you out of a cage. Maybe if you USED that rage. And I'm afraid no amount of rage, used or otherwise, will change your status as rat. I think DNA is a bit more complicated than that.
On the other hand... Great name for an album.
Even when they aren't feeling original, they still kick ass.
Oh momma I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law
Lawman has put an end to my running and I'm so far from my home
Oh momma I can hear you a'crying you're so scared and all alone
Hangman is comin' down from the gallows and I don't have very
Do they still hang? No, they don't. Don't worry, Tommy Shaw, you'll get either lethal injection or the chair, depending on what state you're in. Heck, maybe you'll luck out and they give you life! Don't jump to conclusions about hangmen.
Enough with abstracts, be straightforward!
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents -- ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.
Pssh. Those aren't WORDS. Stupid ELO.
Somehow this is connected to being your own grandpa....
Not once in this song do they mention traveling back in time and meeting your grandmother. Not ONCE.
A fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand.
Really? Was it worth losing LITERALLY every single cent you had just so you could scam people in the future? Doubtful.
It was totally worth it; I learned some great fire starting techniques
The song is about a romance between two people with a foot fetish.
We watched Titanic, and it didn't make us sad
I didn't realize sociopaths were capable of forming a lasting relationship.
To be fair, a black hole COULD look like this up close.
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive
Supermassive WHAT? Black hole, I'm assuming, but we can't be so sure! Also, aren't the glaciers in a permanent state of melting? Why does it matter that they're also melting in the dead of night?
"Glaciers melting all the fucking time..."
"Sir, that's not the song."
"But it's the TRUTH."
"Well, yes, but why are you-"
"Shut up, I won the fucking Nobel Peace Prize."
2009 was a good year for blue people
Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate
Really, the whole song's like this.
"John, look, the Blue Meanies!"
Look at him working. Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
He cares because he doesn't want to wear socks with holes in them! Would YOU? I doubt it. If I see a pair of torn socks, I wouldn't go, "Oh, shit, I'm so lonely." And why would he darn socks with somebody there? That's rude.
Don't mind me, I'm just darning socks.
My mind: Consider it blown.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
What does masochism have to do with achieving your goals?
I don't even need to provide the lyrics. It's right in the title!
Oh, sure, make the BRUNETTE the villain, THAT'S original.
Oh, I remember
You driving to my house
In the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
But in the music video you're neighbors.... Why does he have to drive? Also, that's a bit creepy....And I believe we're all in agreement that crying is a good release of emotions. You MAKE HIM BOTTLE THAT UP! You're damaging him psychologically! Dear God, she's right; She IS the perfect girlfriend!
The resemblance to Cate Blanchett is uncanny.
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
Actually, people don't sink like stones. They float. Like pumice. So if you mean they'll sink like pumice, then yes, you got it.
Ooh, a train!
Well I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
As mammals, we're all hot-blooded you fool. Regardless, with a fever of 103.... You're either about to die or you're a gay werewolf.
Either way, nothing good can come of this.
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey, hey
You mean she's back from space. Or Jupiter's atmosphere. Also, you can't have drops of Jupiter in your hair, it's made of gas. That's SCIENCE, Train.
Science is brought to you by Evolution: "Agree with us whole-heartedly or be excluded from the scientific community for DARING to think different."
Hey soul sister, hey there mister, mister
On the radio, stereo
Once again demonstrating their lack of grip with reality, Train has forgotten that they don't play Mister Mister on the radio.
Also brought to you by Pepsi.
But you ARE somebody. (You're Nickelback)
Nobody wants to be the last one there
That all depends on where "there" actually is. I'd want to be the last one in a room with a guy who will kill everyone except for the last guy to enter the room.
Light her hair on fire, light her hair on fire.... What, YOU don't have a mantra?
All the eyes on me in the center of the ring
Just like a circus (ah, ah, ahaha-hah)
Actually, if all eyes are on YOU, it's more like a peepshow! Zing!
This was the song in the movie.
Try to hide your hand, forget how to feel
I don't know if that's really good advice, Mr. Cornell. In case you didn't notice, the ability to feel is important. For instance, feeling pain is a good indicator to stop what you're doing. Besides, if you couldn't feel, how would you have the necessary emotions to hide your hand?
Weird Al would make such an awesome gangster.
I sued Ben Affleck
Aw, do I even need a reason?
I'm gonna do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
Ok, first off, this entire song is about you proving to this person that you can do whatever you want to do. And if you're SO uncaring... why do you want them to excuse your manners?
Get a boat.... Rescue kid. Mission accomplished.
Smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
Wouldn't eye contact be even more polite?
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
Ok, I'm pretty sure that Catholics don't sacrifice Christians to lions.
They're Catholics, not Separatists
Also, why would you never go back after being given good advice? Seems kind of odd. Just saying.
Where the fuck's the candy?
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick a lollipop
I'm perfectly capable of escorting my own damn self to the confectionery store and do not need your permission to consume a lollipop, BITCH.
He was never very good with original album covers...
So I learned to dance with a hand in my pants
That is LITERALLY impossible. Seriously.
Gangsta's Paradise looks like prison.
It's spelled gangster, Mr. Coolio.
Elton John: The Man With Two First Names
Unless you're Billy Joel and you're singing Piano Man (or you're Weird Al and singing Ode to a Superhero), you have no right dealing with a harmonica.
Is our secret safe tonight?
Not anymore, asshole.
Ha Ha, lack of communication is groovy baby!
Hello darkness, my old friend
Wait a minute; you're friends with DARKNESS? Only the most evil people in the universe are associated with darkness:
I figured it'd be a bit disrespectful to SpongeBob if I compared him to Hitler, so I replaced him with Glenn Beck. Which is still a bit disrespectful.
The 80's wasn't known for its album covers....
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Oh, THAT'S what he's saying. Never mind, this makes total sense now.
Damn you, Taylor Lautner.
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Ok, Miss Swift, but in case you didn't notice, this is NOT what happened in Romeo and Juliet. Maybe you just skipped the whole "death" part, thinking it all turned out well? Which just goes to show kids, if you want to be successful, you just need to be good-looking.
Case in point: Olivia Hussey.
You have to be "talented" to make it in the country music industry, but I'm frankly stretching the use of the word talent when I say that. I mean, it's COUNTRY.
Any industry allowing this man to get famous obviously doesn't require talent as a prerequisite
Seriously, were all the cover designers brain-dead?
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Oh, I see how it is. Yo go to the grocery store and can't bother to say goodbye? Douchebag.
Like, totally deep, man.
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
I would think so; arson isn't too attractive to potential roommates. No one's going to want to bunk with a guy known for burning down his own house. And why do liars look for forgiveness from stones?
Zombie marching bands would be the greatest video game enemies ever.
When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non-believers,
the plans that they have made?"
"Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join The Black Parade."
What marching band related memories made your father bring this up?
Get him! Get him!
Digging the ties.
They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.
Sorry, but machines can't write music. Only people can do that. Heck, we still can't do that, and this song was written in, what, the Stone Age?
Pictured: The Buggles' first jam session.
You know who ELSE has a red nose? Merry Christmas, Timmy!
But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
Gee, if he's the most famous, I'd assume so.
Don't act so surprised.
Hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
I'm more concerned by your atrocious grammar. Really, if you can fix that, I can easily forgive your experimentation. But it's DOESN'T, not DON'T!! Seriously!
Your boyfriend totally won't mind, trust me.
What are these things?
Play that funky music right boy.
The original album cover.
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Uh-huh. I guess that means Bye-Bye to Mr. Eyelids. Otherwise, I don't see how you'll get past blinking, let alone SLEEPING. Seems like a pretty tough job.
Not how I think of the equinox...
You wrote the song for a movie about IMMORTAL vampires. Idiots.
Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch."
Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that's going round.
Really, the entire song is confusing like this.
For Billy Joel albums, this cover is genius.
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore
Really? On a list that includes a Nazi, JFK's assassination and Doris Day, it's the cola wars that drives you over the edge?
Did I mention our Pepsi sponsorship?
A song about stray cats.... called the Stray Cat Strut... by the band the Stray Cats... something's missing from this cover.
Black and orange stray cat sittin' on a fence
Ain't got enough dough to pay the rent
I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air
What kind of monster would charge a cat rent?
And cats NEVER have money. I mean, why would he care if he's broke? What other alternatives are there? Something tells me this song isn't even really ABOUT cats.
It's gonna pop!
She's a mixed up son of a bitch yeah yeah
She can't be. That's impossible.
smoked my last cigarette
sat in bed for awhile
thought of your face and that
brought me a smile
wanted another one
fell back asleep instead
woke and found you sitting
there on the bed
And you didn't call the cops?
(Sobs like an infant)
Watch 'em run amuck,
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck
When there's a free for all,
Here a little `dip'
There a little `touch'
Most of them are goners
So they won't miss much!
Actually, they won't miss anything. They're dead.
The dead rarely miss a thing.
He's so original in his covers....
You can speak your mind
But not on my time
You're the one who's singing a five minute song about how you don't want her to waste your time. Something tells me this was on HER time.... Highly suspect.
Worst. Photopshop. Ever.
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
So if I dream of Abraham Lincoln, he's still alive?
Damn you Sandman!
I love this movie...
If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know
Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there with love to share
And your heart will lead you home
But... Tigger's only lost because his friends lied to him, and then impersonated his family instead of telling him the truth. Some home.
Take my hand
We're off to never-never land
You just commanded all the light to exit my room, you creeper! Why on Earth would I take YOUR hand?
And don't think I don't know what Neverland means.
Two things: Stop making stupid song lyrics, and get more original covers. Holy cow.
You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
Very few women are looking for a lunatic, unless they're in law enforcement.
Also, if you've just confessed to being "possibly" crazy, why would anyone turn out the light when you're in the same room?
"This looks safe."
(Never smiles again)
Sit yourself down
And meet the bestInnkeeper in town But you AREN'T the best innkeeper in town. And you've given me a ridiculous font.
I officially apologize to Billy Joel.
I got (I got) shivers (shivers),
When you touch my face,
I'll make you hot,
Get what you got,
I'll make you wanna say (Jai Ho)
Despite the fact that "Jai" isn't even a real WORD, this song doesn't make sense because why on Earth would you get the Pussycat Dolls to remix an Oscar-winning song?
"Hey, Pink Floyd, you know the song 'Beauty and the Beast'? Boy, have I got a deal for you guys!"
It's a lamp!
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
Probably never. But thanks for rubbing it in.
Wouldn't kicking away a chair have been easier?
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride
Really? You "guess" you'd call it suicide? I guess you have some other name for it? Accidental overdose? Or, in Michael Jackson's case, MURDER???!!!
Really, I don't get the appeal he had in his later years.
Behold: Disney's mistake.
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
Well, good. Because, frankly, I don't care.
In his defense, it is a pretty sad song.
He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day
When the New York Times said God is dead
Well, yes... Paupers are born to pawns.... And pawns produce paupers. I would think that part was pretty obvious.
Some would disagree, of course...
Also, why would the New York Times report that God was dead?
This song was the best part of the film, sadly enough.
So dance, your final dance.
'Cause this is, your final chance.
So... He'll only dance with Hermione ONCE? Tough break, Ron.
Fact: Voldemort is more effective than sexual education
See, they show a HUMAN. Take note, Smashing Pumpkins!
Are we human or are we dancer?
Dancers ARE humans, silly.
Wait, where's the title?
Time is never time at all.
I'm a little confused on how that works.
The more you change the less you feel.
Wait, explain that....
And you know youre never sure.
But you're sure you could be right.
Wait, what? That doesn't even remotely make sense.
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.
The place where you were born.
I wan't born anywhere near a lake, actually.
Believe, believe in me, believe.
Believe in the resolute urgency of now.
And if you believe theres not a chance tonight.
Tonight, so bright.
Did you just lose your train of thought?
We'll crucify the insincere tonight.
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight.
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight.
The indescribable moments of your life tonight.
The impossible is possible tonight.
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.
I'm just going to stop trying to understand the Smashing Pumpkins and enjoy their music.
Screamo fans use a similar technique, except they replace "music" with "shit"
I take my apology back
We never knew what friends we had
Until we came to Leningrad
How was he not accused of being a Communist?
Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone. I could make a comment, but really, at this point there's no need.
Whoa, album art!
I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
How can it be seen by the eyes of the blind? That's literally impossible.
Come Mr. DJ song pon de replay
I believe I've voiced my opinion on fake words.
Far out, man.
Ooh, the wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I thought this was a rap song, what's a white guy doing on the cover? Is this cool now?
Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
Actually, you're Eminem.
Not at all fly, Offspring.
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seÃ�ï¿½Ã�Âs
The only words are "Uno" and "Cinco". This still doesn't make sense. Uno's a card game, and card games certainly aren't fly. Certainly not ones with Spider-Man versions.
Ummm.... Spider sense, show me all your cards!!
Also, "cinco" isn't a word unless immediately followed by "de Mayo."
On a related note, why do white people think we can be fly? We can't, men. It's just not going to happen.
He's just as fly as the Offspring.
Show me how to lie
You're getting better all the time
If they teach you, how can you be sure that you've been taught correctly?
Four Offspring songs in a row? Creepy...
Let's make this complicated
Thinking is overrated
How do you plan to achieve complication without thinking?
Kristy, are you doing okay?
Doubtful. Probably traumatized, if anything.
But really, this entire article could've been "Pink Floyd lyrics that were inspired by drugs." I just didn't do that because there wasn't enough space for all their songs. Zing!
Feelings are clearly different from ideas, as illustrated by this unlit light bulb.
I Gotta Feeling.
Wrong. You GOT A feeling. Or, more correctly, you HAVE a feeling. Or you HAVE GOT A feeling. Gotta isn't even a word, technically speaking, and is used to describe verbs one has to do, not nouns. God, will.i.am, just because you were in "Wolverine" doesn't mean you can ignore the rules of grammar.
It's bad enough they ruined the origin of Cyclops.
Then again, there's always the music video.
Alternative subject: "Unoriginal Billy Joel album covers
A heart attackackackackackack
There's only one "ack" in heart attack, Mr. Joel.
Don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried
Wanna bet? I bet if you really, really, tried, you totally could.
I'll feel better when the winter's gone
So will everyone.
This song is dumb because; a) Justin Bieber is famous and, b) The ludicrous fact that Ludacris is in this song.
They played the song in the prom scene...
I was a quick wit boy
Diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes
Wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair
I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map
And called for you everywhere
Have I found you, Flightless Bird;
Or lost you, American Mouth;
Big Pill, looming?
Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore, blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats
Crawl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
Blood of Christ mountain stream
Have I found you?, Flightless Bird;
Or lost you, American Mouth;
Big Pill, stuck going down
In other words, THE WHOLE DAMN SONG!
I'd like to thank all those who read the entire article. I encourage you to listen to all these songs (except for 12-7) and determine for yourself if they're stupid or not. I look forward to the arguments in the comment section between the two people who actually the entire stupid article! Enjoy!
Sponsored by: Scarlett Johansson. Because if you actually read the whole thing, you need something to take your mind off the fact that you've wasted a whole lot of time.
Also by Pepsi