Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper is the man that single handedly invented Shock Rock back in the 70s. He is one of the often forgotten rock gods.

That one song you all know.

Totally original idea that no one in rock had thought of before.

Marilyn Manson is very lucky Alice is a nice guy and never bothered to sue for basically copying his trademark.

Just The Facts

  1. Alice Cooper was born Vincent Furnier in Arizona, making him the most badass thing the state has ever produced.
  2. Alice Cooper was originally a band made up of five guys. The singer took on the band's moniker as the name of the character he played onstage.
  3. Rock and Roll has forgotten the name of the other four schlubs.
  4. Alice, after going solo, has had hit albums, had about an eight year black out, and portrayed Freddy Krueger's evil ass Dad.

The Early years

Vincent Furnier was born in Arizona...then he moved to Michigan...then back to Arizona. Big who gives a shit, yeah? Vincent and a bunch of random dudes from track formed a Beatles cover band for a talent show at school. Disclaimer: Just because Alice Cooper succeeded after winning a talent show DOES NOT mean your shitty band will get big, despite how original you people think you are.

The Less Early years

So five eighteen year olds did okay at a talent show. So they went to LA to get famous! The late sixties was a more innocent time in which fucking American Idol did not exist! So this meant bands actually had to offer something instead of having fans spam the shit out of the voting boxes. So the five Phoenixians found another band (Some odd British chaps that called themselves Pink Floyd) to room with for their stay in LA. After switching names a couple of times (The Spiders, The Earwiggs, and the Nazz), they ended up being called Alice Cooper. The variations of the origin story include a oujia board session, inspiration from whatever happened to Baby Jane, or some dark deal with Satan.

Nevertheless, Alice Cooper went about getting themselves noticed. To do this, they set up their equipment on Frank Zappa's lawn and made an ungodly amount of noise. Frank Zappa, instead of shooting them, gave them a record deal. So the band made their first two records. Nobody remembers these two records except possibly the band. But the amount of alcohol consumed during this time probably points to them not remembering.


Two of the albums in their three album contract had flopped beyond fucking belief. So the boys from Phoenix had to hit it big. And to hit the ball straight out of LA and back to Phoenix with their 1970 album Love it to Death.

Imagine this sitting next to the Carpenter's new album.

This album spawned their first hit "Eighteen." After this album, they kept releasing hits with their next three albums: Killer, Schools Out, and Billion Dolar Babies. I bet you can't what their big hit off School's Out was. By 1973, the band had release Muscle Of Love(Yes, they enjoyed the occasional penis joke). Not garnishing much success, the band began to argue. Alice wanted to focus more on the theatrics while his four bandmates wanted to focus on the music. So, like all great musicians evantually do, Alice went on to massive amounts of success while his back up band fizzled into nothingness.

Although not all the musicians that go solo are THAT great.

Solo career

Alice Cooper really began doing work with his solo albums. Right after dumping his old crew, he created the concept album Welcome to My Nightmare, a musical journey through a mind of a serial killer; because nothing says rock and fucking roll like a schizophrenic murdering his wife. Awesome.

By the end of the 70s, that magically magnificent time, Alice was consuming two cases of budweiser and a bottle of whiskey a day by himself. Next time you think you're hardcore, compare yourself to that. Alice entered rehab and got clean. But then the eighties hit and everryone started doing cocaine.

In response to this, Alice fell into a relapse. He recorded four albums during this time. In recent years, he has been quoted saying that he doesn't remember writing a word off of any of the albums. He wrote an album, he toured, and he drank nonstop. Repeat process.

How Alice picked where to tour. He never bothered with Arkansas.

After the fourth tour of his eight year blackout, Alice went back to rehab and evantually returned Phoenix to save his marriage and golf. But more on the golfing later. By 1988, Alice had revitalized his career with the album Trash and hit single "Poison". In the twenty years since, Alice has remained a force in rock and roll with a constant stream of new albums and stadium packed tours.

The Stage show

Alice Cooper(both the band and the singer) garnished much of their attention from their theatrical stage show. Alice Cooper strived to be the villain of rock'n'roll, much in the same way that Dragonforce strived to be the Dungeons and Dragons geeks of rock'n'roll.

The Star Wars shirt is the coolest thing about this picture.

His stage routine went as follows: The show begins and Alice emerges, slathered up in mascara. He would sing his songs, stalking menancingly around the stage with either a whip, sword, or cane. Usually about halfway through the show, Alice would kill one of the tour dancers (played by his wife/wife to be back in the day, now played by his daughter). Then, OF FUCKING COURSE, the law shows up. The guards then either hang/decapitate/give the chair to Alice. The favorite is the guillotine because who doesn't love a good damn decapitation?

Pictures above: Art

After his death, Cooper would be resurrected and sings School's Out. The villain is dead as Alice Cooper begins joking and thanking the crowd for coming. The show usually ends with Elected, a totally awesome political satire song from Billion Dollar Babies.

Many later acts were fans of and were influenced by the Alice Cooper stage show including: Blue Oyster Cult, KISS, Gwar, Wasp, Rob Zombie, Slayer,Bob Dylan, David Bowie, They might be Giants, The Flaming Lips, Marilyn Manson(who would have guessed), and Salvidor Dali. Why Salvidor Dali? Why the fuck not?

A man that definetly appreciates some freaking rock!

Life outside the stage.

Alice Cooper has miracoulously been married to the same woman (dance/ballerina Sheryl Goodard) since 1976. In all the time Alice was out on the road, he claims he never once touched another woman, claiming that "he had never met a woman that was worth destroying his relationship with his wife over." The couple have three children together. Cooper claims to be a massive Simpsons fan and wrote himself into a Simpsons comic. This is where the reader says, "There's a fucking Simpson's comic?"

Cooper is a born again Christian who has created many charities to help poor families in Phoenix. Cooper is also responsible for helping heavy metal band Megadeth quit using drugs. Dave Mustaine has named Cooper as the Godfather of his children. Cooper continues to counsil many musicians on drug. Cooper himself beat his alcoholism not with counselling but with golf!

Alice Cooper loves to golf. On tour he arrives in the new city, he golfs the day away, and then he hits the stage to be a rock God. The Coop hosts an annual celebrity charity golf tournament which he tends to NEVER FUCKING LOSE. Is it rigged or is he that good? He's that good. Tiger Woods himself has said that Alice could go pro without even trying.

Golf Monster: Right up there with the Cookie Monster.

Cooper has made many guest appearances in tv and movies. He has appeared in Seseame Street(he was trying to get Elmo to sell his soul to be a rock star. Hell yes) and John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. Cooper made a cameo as Freddy Krueger's abusive stepfather.

He also made an appearance in Donna's sexual fantasy on That 70's Show.

Finally, Alice works as radio DJ on his radio show Nights With Alice Cooper. Rolling Stone's has called him Heavy Metal's most beloved entertainer. And to think he managed to do all this without selling out, getting a reality show, and being a complete tool.

Not Pictured: A Rock Star's dignity