Heidi Klum

After 2 failed World Wars, Germany takes another approach to world domination.

 .... getting into every man's fantasy

Just The Facts

  1. Heidi Klum is the best thing Germany has produced since ...... forever.
  2. Heidi Klum replaces sausages as the sexiest thing to come out of Germany.
  3. Heidi Klum is so hot she makes Seal look ugly.


Heidi Klum was Germany's answer to all things anorexic and skinny. The day she was born, angel's sighed and the Gods masturbated to the sound of harps. Germany would never be the same again. It had transcended a culture of beer and metalheads to produce one of the most incredible creations of all time.

The left one is Hanz. The right one is Franz.

She became a smoking hot cauldron of all that we know holy to God. Germany had arrived on the international scene and her breasts and flawless figure could now be used to captivate the minds of unsuspecting male audiences.

Once the true extent of her powers were known, they called her 'The Body'. And she soon took over Victoria Secrets and the Sports Illustrated. And would forever be associated with the word 'lingerie'.


She was a phenomena unlike no other. Known to make machinery blush and men swoon by her raw sexual appeal, she was the ultimate weapon for those blasted Germans who refuse to learn to accept defeat. Together with Claudia Schiffer, she was the epitome of all that men desired but could never hope to get their hands on.

Marriage, kids and the future

But she wasn't perfect. And she had to prove it to the world that worshipped her. So she went ahead and dated men so ugly it made our heads spin in a fit of provoked confusion.

The moneyThe Style

In the process, she had 4 kids of varying colours. She's now 35 and growing older every minute. But remains as hot as she ever was. But she will not remain here forever.

Now an American citizen and her gene pool diluted by the ugly sperms she has let into her gorgeous system, she seems to be fading away. She grooms models for 'Germany's Next Top Model' in the hope of finding someone to replace her.

Thats her 3 times as sexy.

Germany needs to think of something or find someone before it fades back to post world war obscurity.