5 Girls At Every Bar After Midnight

At any bar in the world, drunk men wanting to get laid, and women depending on their level of alcohol consumption may as well. While men are basically the same at bars, women come in various forms. After midnight, these are the most common.

The Defensive Friend

Type: Defensive (Game-stopper)

Intelligence: Low to High

Attractiveness: Varies

Temperament: Angry

Annoyance: High

Avoid-ability: Low to Impossible

Location: All Bars

Prevalence: One for each potential hookup

Hookup chance: Very Low

If you've ever found yourself in a bar talking with a good looking girl, with a feeling that you will get lucky, you've almost immediately had to deal with this bitch. Usually she is the friend or roommate, and she is always pissed off. Now, when I say pissed off, I don't mean like your typical angry girl at a party who just saw someone in the same outfit. These girls are just plain redneck-pissed.

The attractiveness of these girls is not constant. The can easily range from grossly disfigured to drop dead gorgeous. However, it should be said that the hotter the defensive friend is, the level of difficulty decreases

What makes matters worse is that they're existence is very similar to a wingman, just with the dead opposite intentions. Whereas a wingman takes the fall to insure you get laid, the defensive friend shoots down not only the wingman, but the to-be lucky individual as well. And what makes matters exponentially worse, there is a defensive friend for each hot girl at the bar. Yep, thats right. A damn 1:1 ratio.

What causes this girl to be so angry you might ask? There can be varying reasons, but some of the more common are that men don't want them, they've had bad relationships, die-hard feminism, or they, like the opposing males are trying to hook-up with the said hot girl (the latter case can give their existence some justification).

Regardless of your level of skill, maneuvering around this road block is a difficult task. Usually the best course of action is to wait until she has consumed enough alcohol so she will not disturb your interaction with the hot friend.

The Self Important Girl (aka The Snooki)

Type: Imposing

Attractiveness: High (her opinion), Low (world's opinion).

Intelligence: Low

Temperament: Cheery,

Annoyance: High

Avoid-ability: Impossible

Location: All Bars

Prevalence: One for every five females

Hookup Chance: Very High (at own risk)

One problem with bars is that while the first stages of applying game go relatively smoothly, when it comes to the final stages of sealing the deal, only those with the best of game skill can follow through. Its a sad and aggravating fact that most girls just aren't into what we're selling at bars. Unless of course, they are this type of bitch.

Now when I use the word bitch, I'm not trying to imply that all women are bitches, or that women who shoot down game at bars. Hell, even the defensive friends serve a point and are just an inconvenience. These girls are bitches for a simple reason: they think that they are the center of the universe, are the hottest in the room, and that anyone in the bar will want to sleep with them. On top of that, they never shut the hell up.

Never. No exceptions.

This girl is relatively common, and is growing in numbers due to the influx of girls following the styles of Paris Hilton, Snooki, and others of the same likes. The commonly where too much makeup (just under clown level), are tanned to a dark bronze, and dress in overly revealing clothing. While normally this last one is a glorious things, with these girls, it is something that you don't want to see. Mainly because the rest of their appearance screams "I am a cheap, disease infested prostitute". While the skinner versions may be attractive, it is impossible to look at them for more that five seconds with out thinking in your head the names of all the diseases she probably has. The larger, are just a scourge on the earth. For those who have been to bars and seen them, congratulations, that image will be in your head for at least the next hour. For those who haven't, enjoy your good fortune.

This girl usually will talk in a condescending tone to any other female in the bar, as if to mark her territory. She will then proceed to look for a potential target, usually a male who is there with another girl. She will then go in and somehow work herself into the conversation, first as a passerby, and then move on to trying to sell her game. And this is all why the original girl is standing there. This will usually cause the original girl to get shitty and start an argument with the girl, and the male scrambling to side with her so he does not destroy any chance of getting laid with the original girl. The self important girl, now pissed because some guy rejected her (to her confusion), will move on and repeat the exact maneuver on the next guy she sees.

By the end of the night, this girl will have dropped her standards, meaning she has tried her tactics on almost all of the bar and failed miserably. She will be pissed as hell at this point because in her mind, she is the best catch in the bar and the world should be obsessed with her being. It will be at this point that some poor deluded schmuck who has been shot down all night will make a move on this horrid, last resort. She will at first brush him off, but then decides she doesn't want to not be able to talk like she didn't hook up the night before, and proceed to leave with said poor schmuck. Poor schmuck will wake up the next day, look over, and repeatedly ask "What have I done?"

The Radical Feminist

Type: Aggressive

Attractiveness: Average to Ungodly High

Intelligence: High

Temperament: Pissed Off (if male), Happy (if female or homosexual).

Annoyance: High

Avoid-ability: Easy

Location: All Bars (College) 50/50 (All others)

Prevalence: Few (Number increases the more liberal the area)

Hookup Chance: Almost Impossible (you deserve a statue in your honor if you succeed)

This barroom girl can be your worst nightmare. Most are of decent attractiveness (well above bar hookup standards) and can actually hold their alcohol. They also hate men, all things male, anything run by males, or anything remotely relating to males. Unless you are a homosexual. Then they like you. These girls are so anti-male that they will spend the entire night trash talking other girls at the bar for being a slave to gender stereotypes by having a boyfriend, and even more so if he is there with her. And if the girl is married and took her husband's name, there is not an appropriate adjective to correctly express the level of angry bitching that will ensue.

If you find yourself at a college bar, you will find one there at some point. The more liberal the school, the more there will be. If you are at a regular bar, usually it will depend on how liberal the area is (typically high in places like California, but nonexistent in Alabama).

There are many things that make this type of girl a very formidable foe. For starters, they are usually damn good looking. They're usually some of the best looking at the bar. The problem is, what you are selling is something that they loathe. And they will proceed to talk you down quite harshly if you make the mistake of making a move on them. And it will be painful. Also, the will make sure the whole damn bar hears you getting shot down, thus screwing any chance of getting laid that night.

Also, they are smart as hell, and completely impossible to beat in an argument. And not impossible to beat as are other girls, where you just give up out of aggravation or in a last ditch effort to save your chances of getting laid. These girls are just that good at arguing and winning. What makes it worse, is that they know it. This is because they typically make an argument out of any social behavior, and for that reason have an unholy amount of practice at arguing.

Luckily though, once spotted this girl is relatively easy to avoid. Simply avoid the sexist jokes, do not approach her, and avoid hitting on her friends or any girls in her immediate vicinity. If you can remember that, you may still be able to have a perfectly enjoyable night at the bar.

A hookup is almost impossible for obvious reasons. If, however, you get some odd stroke of luck and succeed, as said in the description, be proud and know that you deserve a statue in your honor for accomplishing this impossible task.

The Bartender

Type: Interactive

Attractiveness: God-Tier (unless redneck bar)

Intelligence: High

Temperament: Friendly (until you piss her off)

Annoyance: Low

Avoid-ability: Impossible (source of drinks, best looking in bar)

Location: All Bars

Prevalence: 1-3 per bar

Hookup Chance: Low (elite game or divine intervention needed)

Every bar owner is practices the same policy: hire the hottest young girl with a liquor license they can find, have her where the most revealing clothing she has, and put her ass behind the bar. Why? Because they can pay her no money and the male customers will buy more drinks. They can pay her almost no money because every single male in the bar will make an effort to win the favor of this knockout, and will buy as many drinks as they can to keep her attention, and will leave her tips ranging from 50% to whatever money they have left in their wallet.

This girl usually will make your bar experience a good one, as she is used to people such as yourself, and knows how to keep them entertained enough so they want to stay and spend more money. In other words, she is among not only the most intelligent female, but most intelligent person in the bar. On top of that she'll have a good sense of humor, and be willing to listen to just about anything you say. Ideal girl right? Now the catch.

As said before, this girl is highly intelligent, and she knows it. You may have noticed that she does all this as you are buying more and more alcohol. Once you are done with that, you will have about ten minutes before you are nonexistent in her eyes. Why? Its all about business for her. Once your done drinking, she's not going to make any more money off of you, so she move on to the other guys at the bar who are still drinking. She will however give you that ten minute window where she'll occasionally send you a smile with a provocative look to increase the likelihood that you will return the next night and spend more money.

She also can prove dangerous because she has a certain asset that is made for dealing with people who starts bothering her too much. Its called the bouncer. All she has to do is call his name, and then some failed former football player pissed off because he didn't make it will come out and throw your ass out of the bar. It doesn't matter what your fighting ability is. You have been drinking and are in no condition to fight, and this guy will be pissed off at the world. And to make matters worse, no one friends included, will come to your aid. This is their entertainment. But to be honest, you deserve it if this happens. The girl behind the bar will put up with about anything with a smile on her face as long as you are spending money. It takes a special level of dumbassery to get this result.

As far as hooking up with this maiden of liquor, it can be hard as hell. It is not that she is like other types of women in bars and despises sex. She just get hit on by everything in the bar, male and female that has a habit of sleeping with women. In other words, there is almost no game you can spit that she hasn't heard before, so actually impressing her is damn near impossible. The only way to actually do so is to somehow manage to legitimately get her interest while at the bar. If she's camping out in your area in between getting drinks for the other patrons, you have a shot. If not, well enjoy the view, because thats all you'll get.

The Wasted Girl

Type: Outgoing

Attractiveness: Moderate and Higher

Intelligence: High (normally) Nonexistent (at bar)

Temperament: Friendly and Cheerful

Annoyance: Low

Avoid-ability: Impossible (very loud)

Location: All Bars

Prevalence: Many

Hook up Chance: High, but don't do it

At any bar or party, this girl will be there. Almost always, she is someone new to drinking, or someone who just doesn't know her limits as far as alcohol is concerned at a party.

What makes this a unique type of girl is that it can apply to just about any girl on the face of the earth, as most women have low tolerances. The girl could be a complete bitch or just a shy coed, but after a few shots, she's the life of the party. Usually, she is fairly attractive at worse, but can also be drop dead gorgeous. She normally has little if any alcohol tolerance, which aides in her becoming this type of girl.

Once she gets her first few shots, she becomes instantly overjoyed at life and everything in it and will be laughing almost constantly. Her face will turn a bright red and she will start talking to everyone as if they were some old friend she hadn't seen in years. Her voice will become louder and louder with each additional drink, and what little restraint she had will go out the window. All in all this is one of the better types of girls present at bars, mainly because they ensure the night will be entertaining. As long as they are kept under supervision, all will be well.

There are some warning that go with this type though. Since they don't know their limits, they keep drinking until there is nothing left to drink. That means eventually they get to the point where they are a danger to everyone in sight as they can't stand or walk without the assistance of multiple individuals.

Also, despite the fact that they are usually good looking and willing, hooking up with them is just a bad idea, and not just for the moral reasons of her being unable to think straight. The thing to remember here is that at this point, she has drank enough to get someone twice her size drunk. With that much alcohol in her system, there is only one thing that can happen: its coming back up. This girl will be vomiting most of the night, no exceptions, and many times while still at the bar. So even if you are a desperate bastard who can't get a girl who can't think straight, just remember hooking up with this girl would mean dealing with her vomiting on your car, you and your bed all night. Not to mention the probable lawsuit afterwards.

So bottom line, this one is to be enjoyed as entertainment at the bar. Leave it at that.