Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3 comes out on dvd next month and if you didn't rush out and see it opening night proclaming "I'VE BEEN WAITING 11 YEARS FOR THIS!!" then you are not me (congratulations!) and might not know all the new characters. Lemme help a brotha out.

 All your old favourties are back, Woody, Buzz, Rex....those three intellectually impaired aliens

Larry...Curly...Moe?

Big Baby is new though...and tattooed.

Just The Facts

  1. Andy is off to college and during his packing process the toys accidentally end up in a box going to Sunnyside Daycare
  2. Sunnyside Daycare is the gateway to hell
  3. Some of the new characters are adorable while others are OUT FOR BLOOD (see BIG BABY, above)

Star Command? Who the fuck are these new guys?

"I'm too old for toys mom! Didn't you see the box marked COLLEGE? I like computers now and MAPS."

THE NEWBIES:

KEN

Someone's not afraid to be FABULOUS.

Ken is a tour guide of sorts (and short shorts!) for the gang when they arrive at Sunnyside. He spends his time bragging about his dream house, driving around in his pink corvette and pretending to be interested in Barbie.

If dude isn't gay, I will eat my hat.

LOTS-O-HUGGIN BEAR

Don't be fooled by his adorable, cuddly exterior folks, Lotso is the villian of this tale.

"And over there is where we dismember the newcomer toys!!"

He assigns Woody, Buzz and company to the "Caterpillar Room", the room in the daycare with the youngest kids who violate the toys by covering them in paint, spit and presumably feces.

Get this kid a helmet.

MR.PRICKLEPANTS

A lederhosen wearing hedgehog who speaks with a exaggerated English accent even though he is clearly German.

"Hitler who?"

Pricklepants asks Woody if he is "classically trained" because he's exceptionally good at being motionless and staring blankly ahead. So maybe Woody went to the Vin Diesel school of acting?

By the way, does he have a license for those guns?

BUTTERCUP

An adorable unicorn who helps Woody get back to the daycare after he is taken home by one of the kids.

Taking his photo was like trying to grab a rainbow.

Buttercup is ironically voiced by Jeff Garlin:

"FEED ME!"

CHUNK

Is some sort of rock robot toy, who, if he were a person, would be a frat boy.

"My life is bro"

Holy shit, there's nine more of these things? Just watch the movie, douches, and remember, no matter what age you are, this movie's for everyone!

Someone's got a Woody alright!