Limp Bizkit

What's funny about Limp Bizkit? Absolutely nothing...ok, maybe a few things. There's only one way to grade a band of such magnitude, and that's with the Champions Among Men points scale. Let's get it on!!

Only Limp Bizkit could breed Champions such as this.

I like the guy with the bow tie and glasses thinking,

Just The Facts

  1. The band has sold an estimated 35 million albums, making them the most successful Nu Metal band to date.
  2. Douchey red hats, and goatees.
  3. The only band to ever get an ass-load of women using euphemisms that rivaled only that of a 6th grader.

Fred Durst

When you think of Limp Bizkit, you inherently think of Fred Durst. How could any band fail with such a front man? Fred Durst is living proof that if you truly believe that you are "The Shit," people will believe you. Nothing about this guy was cool. From his industry standard goatee, to his prepubescent squeeling, ol' Fred Dousche was the epidime of the late 90's Bro. Yet, he was still hosting Cancun Spring Break specials on MTV, while the rest of us we're beating off to the girls flashing their tits in the back ground. And, why is that? Confidence. This guys was almost literally leaking ego through his chocolate starfish, and before he even had to time to fret, he had all kinds of skanky girls (see next section for how he got them.) willing to clean it up. I just want to break shit with this guy.

+25 Champ points.

Ladies Night Out in Cambodia Tour

One of Durst's more brilliant ideas was the Ladies Night in Cambodia Tour. Freddy has the revelation one night while looking out upon the sausage soup of a concert that he had created, and decided that their next tour would let all females in for free...Brilliant. Say what you want about bros, but they generally have attractive woman leeched on to them. Often times dragging behind their over-sized trucks like wedding cans. So, now fred had a brainless frat army, who were going to bring their 60% Sylicone girlfriends to his show. And just like that, BAM!! Our boys with Limp Bizkits went from being just another shitty rap/metal (Nu Metal) band from Jacksonville, twiddling their weiners on tour in front of many other idiots, to being knee deep in all the pussy that anyone could dream of...

+10 more Champ points fred.

Notice how many dudes are below her. hmm... Maybe this plan did not work that well.

Wes Borland

This guy...

I know I personally never go anywhere without at least a third of my body weight of cream based make-up on.

Yes. Limp Bizkit did infact include actually musicians in their line-up. Wes Borland, is actually a pretty talented one. Though, he is best known for L.B. he also played for bands such as The Damning Well, Big Dumb Face (clever name!), and From First to Last on their album Heroine. Not to mention that he was the first guy to receive a blow job, and leave make-up on the girl!

For that last fact alone I award the Limp +15 more Champ points.

The Chocolate Starfish

...IS A BUTTHOLE!!

There. Now, I know that most of you knew that. But, I guarantee there were a bunch of people, many that you know, that were running around pretending like they knew all these years cause they were too embarassed to ask. I feel like every time Durst said this, he couldn't help but giggle and ask, "do ya get it? do ya get it? tee hee." Yeah, Fred we get it. Hilarious joke. I can't believe this dude was 30 when this album came out.

I never realized that Limp Bizkit was a gay band until I was about 12 and on vacation with a buddy of mine and his parents. On said vacation, I remember my friend crying his eyes out (awkward) while a fat, shirtless, drunk, middle-aged man proceeded to tell us how he in-fact had a "limp bissskit," over and over again. (really awkward)...fun times at Bear lake. :)

Well, trips down memory lane aside. Let's wrap this bitch up. I'm awarding +10 more champ points for being damn near middle-aged and still having the sense of humor as a 12-year-old.

That brings our boys to a total of 60 Champions Among Men points!!

Now, that's no Kanye Champ status, but 60 is pretty good.