Harrison Ford
Harrison Ford has the most intense look in the history of facial expressions, and he's not afraid to use it, no matter how inappropriate the situation:
Just The Facts
- Harrison Ford has been Han Solo, Indiana Jones and tons of other bad-asses.
- With one look Harrison Ford will let you know that shit just got serious.
- It was the one-armed man.
Cracked on Harrison Ford
He is not physically imposing. He is not a martial artist. So why is Harrison Ford feared by kidnappers, Nazis and all other assorted types of bad guys? It is because he possesses a much stronger gift: A steely-eyed glare that would make a karate-lovin, beefed-up, action star shit his pants. You simply do not need karate or muscles when you can stare down another man like this:
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Don't you think this guy would gladly sign up to take a Van Damme roundhouse to the face rather than be stared down like that by Harrison Ford?
In addition to Harrison Ford's steely gaze he possesses two more badass traits that have had movie villains trembling in their foreign loafers for three decades.
1) The fact that no one can threaten another person better than Harrison Ford
2) That he is surprising successful at hitting lots of guys in the face.
Let's see a few examples of these, shall we.
Guys Being Threatened by Harrison Ford
It's the IRS on the other end of the phone. After the call, Harrison Ford will never have to pay taxes again.
"Ya, you have a gun... but can you handle this threatening look? Oh I can have my family back now? Thought so."
Guys Getting Punched in the Face by Harrison Ford
Who would you least like to be in this picture? Harrison Ford who has five Nazis bearing down on him, or the guy about to take a man-sized punch to his face? We will take on the five armed Nazis, thank you.
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We don't know for sure what is coming around that corner, but we are 100 percent certain that it is going to take a fucking log to the face.
Oh Jesus.
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And the ultimate in Harrison Ford face punches that will make you think long and hard before the next time you try to fuck with the Amish.
Harrison Ford as the Bad Guy
Yes it is true. For one movie Harrison Ford did play the bad guy. That movie was "What Lies Beneath," and it remains the only movie about a middle-aged couple that all men and women can actually masturbate to.
It's alright to fantasize about being that laptop.
So why did our hero become the bad guy for this one role? The reason he made this sacrifice was to teach everyone a valuable lesson that every man will learn at some point in his life: No matter how great of a man you are, and no matter how many times you have saved America, and even if you are the greatest hero the world has ever known; eventually... you are going to try to kill your wife.
I can't take this nagging anymore. Reputation be damned; this bitch needs to die.
He's been sexy for years, but even that didn't help Cowboys and Aliens.
ReplyBeing punched in the face by Harrison ford is worse than Hell. Therefore, by the laws of physics the Man himself came up with, Punch in the face=Ticket to Heaven.
ReplyActually, Harrison Ford's greatest gift isn't the glare, it's his sex appeal. No matter how you slice it, Harrison Ford, in his prime, was hot. I don't care who you are, you cannot deny that Harrison Ford is sexy.
ReplyI don't understand the "all men and women can masturbate" comment. Both the man and the woman the picture being talked about are way too ugly to masturbate to. There is no way I could masturbate to that ugly shit. And, if I was forced to I would have nightmares afterwards.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesSacrilege! Harrison Ford is a sexy beast... you'd know that if you had a vagina.
How you don't get a stiffy from the thought of the badass Harrison Ford being married to the gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer is beyond me. Must be a hipster thing.
Yea, if you can't jerk it to Ford and Pfeiffer in bed, I recommend you get yourself a new dick. Yours is broken.
what??????? u don't fancy Michelle Pfeiffer
u probably have erectile dysfunction
Prettttty sure ED has zero effect on sexual preference, just if you able to act on said preference. But then again, I'm not speaking from experience. :-P
Solid article dude! Hilarious
ReplyThe picture and the caption "Oh Jesus" had me rolling. Funny, funny shit.
ReplyHas anybody seen that s****y Crossing Over movie?
ReplyHe is barely in it, and the whole movie is 2hrs of people getting fucked over by the government.
Well done. Too bad the computer at work doesn't show me the damn pictures. I imagine this would be even funnier and more true WITH them.
ReplyWow. I thought my old high school had Nazi policies. That's brutal. You can't navigate most websites with java or flash disabled anymore, much less images. O_o
Harrison Ford? s**t I thought this was an article about God!
ReplyThat was one of the most persuading arguments I've ever read.
ReplyNever again shall I f**k with the Amish, the president of the United States, or Archaeologists.
Eh... Some Presidents are asking for it...
"Oh Jesus!" I never realized Harrison Ford was that tough and that I had such a man-crush on him.
ReplySexy and wild??!!
ReplyAre you the hot cougar hunter on __Agelover.c om__? the place where all hot Ageless singles meet, mingle and more...?/
hells yeah! nothing better than old people sex!
What Lies Beneath is one of my favorite movies, really.. I've been watching it for years and would not like to be that wife. Fantastic article. :)
ReplyActually in the picture when he is holding the log, he throws it into a bunch of giant gears. The villain's face is saved in that case.
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Replythis was hilarious, and completely awesome and true.
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