Harrison Ford

He is not physically imposing. He is not a martial artist. So why is Harrison Ford feared by kidnappers, Nazis and all other assorted types of bad guys? It is because he possesses a much stronger gift: A steely-eyed glare that would make a karate-lovin, beefed-up, action star shit his pants. You simply do not need karate or muscles when you can stare down another man like this:

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Don't you think this guy would gladly sign up to take a Van Damme roundhouse to the face rather than be stared down like that by Harrison Ford?

In addition to Harrison Ford's steely gaze he possesses two more badass traits that have had movie villains trembling in their foreign loafers for three decades.

1) The fact that no one can threaten another person better than Harrison Ford

2) That he is surprising successful at hitting lots of guys in the face.

Let's see a few examples of these, shall we.

It's the IRS on the other end of the phone. After the call, Harrison Ford will never have to pay taxes again.

"Ya, you have a gun... but can you handle this threatening look? Oh I can have my family back now? Thought so."

Who would you least like to be in this picture? Harrison Ford who has five Nazis bearing down on him, or the guy about to take a man-sized punch to his face? We will take on the five armed Nazis, thank you.

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We don't know for sure what is coming around that corner, but we are 100 percent certain that it is going to take a fucking log to the face.

Oh Jesus.

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And the ultimate in Harrison Ford face punches that will make you think long and hard before the next time you try to fuck with the Amish.

Yes it is true. For one movie Harrison Ford did play the bad guy. That movie was "What Lies Beneath," and it remains the only movie about a middle-aged couple that all men and women can actually masturbate to.

It's alright to fantasize about being that laptop.

So why did our hero become the bad guy for this one role? The reason he made this sacrifice was to teach everyone a valuable lesson that every man will learn at some point in his life: No matter how great of a man you are, and no matter how many times you have saved America, and even if you are the greatest hero the world has ever known; eventually... you are going to try to kill your wife.

I can't take this nagging anymore. Reputation be damned; this bitch needs to die.