Banking Fees

A Banking Fee is a consideration that you pay to your Bank in exchange for giving said Bank the privilege of getting rich off of your money.

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The first ever bank president.

Just The Facts

  1. The First Bank: According to, The First Bank was founded in 1995. Before that there are no records because they didn't have cell phones or the internet.
  2. The First Bank President: The first ever bank president was an unnamed eight-foot tall man with gnarled horns and glowing red skin who was said to have smelled strongly of sulfur. He retired after the job made him a multi-billionaire in just under 8 minutes.
  3. The First Banking Fee: The first banking fee was a one-nickle charge to NOT be shot in the head after making a deposit.

Banking Fees Explained

It takes money to make money. This is a well-known and indisputable fact. Unfortunately it only applies to people who have more money than you. Since you don't have enough money to make more money, you give it to a bank, which will combine your pitiful amount of money with many other peoples' pitiful amounts of money until the Bank has amassed a shit-ton of money, which they then use to make more shit-tons of money.

One Metric Shit-Ton

The metric shit-ton is worth slightly more than the American shit-ton.

The Future of Banking Fees

In the future you will pay your banking fees as directed and not call into question their validity by reading about them on the internet.