The Grimace

He's big, he's purple, and he's intense. He's Grimace. When you've lived and loved like the Grimace, then you really know what life's all about.

Just The Facts

  1. Grimace (aka The Grimace) is large, purple, and large.
  2. Introduced in 1971, The Grimace had four arms and was called "The Evil Grimace" because he liked to steal shakes and sodas.
  3. In 1972, he became simply The Grimace, and started being good.
  4. In 1974, he was redesigned to have only two arms (but still maintained his purple bulkiness).

The Early Years

Very little is known about the first decade of the life of the Grimace. Most peculiar is the fact that there is no record of Grimace's parents. Despite being asked repeatedly, he never talked about them. However, Kitty Kelly, in her unauthorized biography of the Grimace (Grimace: The Purple Driven Life) asserts that he was a product of an affair between Henry the Octopus (of Wiggles fame) and Miss Piggy (from the Muppets). Both the octopus and the pig have denied this.

In addition to being born fuzzy and purple, Grimace also had four arms (which tended to support Kelly's theory regarding the father). His unusual appearance was noticed by the world-famous Ronald McDonald, who asked the fifteen-year-old purple mound to star in some commercials. Initially he was called "the Evil Grimace," who used his extra arms to purloin shakes and burgers.

But after a couple of years, this association with criminal behavior left him feeling sour. Ultimately, he threatened to quit. He even went to a plastic surgeon to have two of the arms removed. The McDonald's corporation gave in and made the Grimace a more law-abiding, lovable character, simply named "The Grimace."

Early Adulthood

During the 80s, The Grimace hung out with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. They even formed a band called Harshest Tautology. They opened for groups like Guns and Roses, Styx, and Air Supply.

Shortly before one summer tour, Grimace started dating Ronald McDonald's sister, Randy. They tried to hide it from Ronald, but the press would not leave them alone. After six months, the relationship soured, and once Ronald found out, The Grimace was dropped from McDonald's commercials.

Harshest Tautology continued performing into the 90s, but they met with a lot of criticism: in particular, they were accused of trying to mimic Pearl Jam. In their defense, their music wasn't meant to copy the garage band sound--they simply never practiced their music. They just showed up and started playing. Critics started referring to the band as "The Three Coreys," which caused The Grimace to snap. He drowned his sorrows in chocolate shakes and french fries.

Rehabilitation?

This downward spiral continued until the new millennium, when he finally reached rock bottom. To make money for his addiction, he accepted an offer to pose for Playgirl magazine. Later that week, as he was sitting in a park drowning his humiliation in a large chocolate shake, several children approached him, screaming his name and asking him to play with them. He responded by trying to eat them. His outburst was covered in most of the major entertainment magazine. Within two months, The Grimace reported to rehab.

Since his stint in rehab, The Grimace has begun dieting and working out. According to most of his closest friends, his life has turned around completely. A close friend of the purple chunk said that he almost started back up with his shake addiction at the beginning of March 2010, but the death of Corey Haim hit him so hard that he managed to stay on the wagon of sobriety. Plans are even underway for a charity benefit with The Situation of Jersey Shore fame.