Get off the fucking road you insignificant piece of shit!
Developed in 1769, road rage has been a staple of human life. Numerous times a week we become witnesses to displays of road rage across this planet. The worst part is that road rage is more contagious than herpes and once you get it you want to ram your car into a van full of orphan ducklings.
Just as contagious as road rage, the herp also makes you look like a uneducated boor.
Another name for Road Rage is"Agressive Driving", but it's basically like calling murderers "overachieving people hitters".
Much to Mr. Smithson's dismay, Mr. Sothersby was an overachieving people hitter.
There have been documented cases of road rage. One article goes on to say that: In many occasions road rage is caused by pure anger.
Pictured above: Pure Anger. Causes uncontrolable road rage and tea party rallies.
The article goes on to say: Some specialists think that road rage is caused by a mental illness called intermittent explosive disorder. Holy Shit, that sounds dangerous. When we looked it up, intermittent explosive disorder is also linked to domestic abuse, throwing shit at people or temper tantrums. Basically if you have road rage you are predisposed to break stuff violently, kick the shit out of your significant other or.....FBT.
Full Blown Tantrum Z Kai Tenkaichi.
While you are minding your own business in your boring old commute, there are steps to follow to avoid becoming a victim of road rage. They will help you on your attempt to not become a victim of the knuckle dragging hordes of bad drivers.
Rule 1: Don't text while driving.
While everyone thinks they know what they're doing, you end up driving like an idiot and while you do this:
You will likely end up doing this:
Douche maneuver # 375: Text and run.
Or possibly this:
I liek to texts.....whoopsies...daddy will pay for this.
Rule 2: Ignore the plethora of ass-holes.
While it can be very easy to get angry at people driving like idiots and you may want to retaliate, stereotypes have proven that dumb people are usually stronger than smart people with common sense. If some shitbag cuts you off in traffic while you politely waited your turn to make a left, you might be tempted to do this:
"Good job cutting me off, fuck face!!!"
But remember what the average awfully driving dickhead looks like:
Shit! Should've stayed off the beltway today.
The usual result might enroll you in a "Beatdown by the knuckle dragger" and no matter how many Jet Li movies you've seen you'll probably end up at the losing side.
"Uktar angry for you not letting pass."
Rule 3: Make your car Road Rage proof.
When it comes to Road Rage, remember it's better to be on the giving end. There are ways to make sure that you can always retaliate when people give you shit. Here are some examples of Road Rage proof cars.
No one wants to cut in front of Philbert now.
Take all my parking spots will ya?