Green Lantern

In the hopes of making some sweet post depression era scratch Martin Nodell and Bill Finger developed The Green Lantern. The story would be re-launched having the mightiest weapon in the universe select the least douchey person on the west coast.

Just The Facts

  1. The Green Lanterns source of power is a ring limited only by will power, imagination, and battery life. Rap stars would call this Mega Bling
  2. The Lanterns oath recharges their Power Ring making it the least gay oath in comic history, (Sorry Bats)
  3. This article only deals with the first two lanterns.

The First Lantern

The First Green Lantern, Alan Scott, began as A super hero influenced heavily by the story of Aladdin and the fashion sense of a gypsy. The mythos of his creation follow that after surviving a railroad accident, Scott found a mystic green lantern near the crash site and ignoring the carnage around him took time to forge a ring out of the lanterns metal. This would later serve as an inspiration to all Amtrak conductors who wreck a train and wander off.

DEATH TRAIN!

This is the guy who will save you if their is a wreck?

Originally Scotts ring allowed him to fly, walk through walls, paralyze people temporarily one would hope, create rays of energy, melt metal, and to cause dangerous objects to glow, In the most laughable element the seemingly unlimited mystic power would protect him against bullets and fire, but let his ass get strait beat when someone found a baseball bat or old 2x4 laying around. luckily being the technologically advanced 1940's lumber was in short supply.
After a decade Scott's heroing would go bipolar, alternating between killing an unstoppable zombie and finding new ways to save his retard cabby side kick Doiby Dickles. The death nail occurred when Scott was made the sidekick of a god damn dog.
AWESOME! damn dog
From Awesome To Aweful
It would literally take an act of Congress to let Scott sew his testicles back into place when the house un-American committee demanded he and his fellow justice society members remove their masks. Throwing the big F you at congress Scott and his fellow heroes quit and went on to live as civilians until their reintroduction in the Silver age.
It would literally take an act of Congress to let Scott sew his testicles back into place when the house un-American committee demanded he and his fellow justice society members remove their masks. Throwing the big F you at congress Scott and his fellow heroes quit and went on to live as civilians until the JSA would return decades later to talk about how much better they used to deal with the various criminals plaguing their world.

You think the Joker's evil, in the 20's we knew real evil, Prohibition!

The Next Lantern

The 1960's would usher in the era of Green Lantern and airplane test pilot Hal "Highball" Jordan. Selected by the power ring of dying alien Abin Sur, Jordan was the closest person with the ability to master willpower and overcoming great fear. This means that had Evil Knieval been touring the west coast he would have been the first stuntman superhero.

Already in Costume!

Jordan's ring would be one of thousands belonging to the Green Lantern Corps. A Universal police force dedicating to hashing the space buzz of millions of worlds. Led by an immortal group known as the Guardians of the Universe Jordan's ring did not share Scotts weakness to wood, and instead took on a weakness to anything yellow. Years later realizing that an intergalactic space corps could be defeated by bananas in pajamas the weakness was removed by the editorial staff at DC Comics, I mean the Guardians of the Universe.

Intergalactic threat.

Jordan was trained by Sinestro, then greatest Lantern in the history of the Corps. Jordan realized Sinestro had become a tyrant in his sector and totally sold him out to the Guardians. Driving Sinestro from the corps and labeling him a traitor Jordan would create his own arch nemesis.

Helping found the Justice League of America Jordan went on to save the world countless times before going off the handle and trying to rewrite the entire timeline. Possessed by the embodiment of fear Parallax, Jordan went on to kick the ever loving hell out of every DC Hero that stood in his way.

Who's the bitch now!

After his home town Coast City was destroyed by the alien war lord Mongol Jordan used his ring to try and resurrect the city and everyone in it. In a decidedly dick move the guardians called Jordan to trial accusing him of tapping into the power battery for personal gain.

In the ultimate screw you anyone has ever delivered to their boss Jordan dismantled the Corps, killing several members and seizing the power battery for his own use. The Last of the green lanterns Kyle Rayner would be selected at this time.

Eventually redeeming himself Jordan sacrificed himself to reignite the dying sun. After serving as god's spirit of vengeance, and redemption Jordan would return as the headlining Lantern in 2005 arguably to make a green lantern movie easier to create.

Jordan has helped recreate the Corps, and gone on to defend the universe against the Sinestro Corps, and the Blackest Night which showed the dead of the universe returning Romero style to eat the hearts of the living.