No matter what you think of the Godfather trilogy, they are undoubtedly some of the most influential and improperly quoted movies in history. "You come to me, on this the day of my daughter's wedding..."

Just The Facts

  1. The Godfather trilogy are like the Kennedy brothers. Everybody liked the first one (John), people loved the second one (Robert), and most people were disappointed by the third (Ted)
  2. It follows the lives of a New York mafia led by Don Corleone (Marlon Brando), then Sonny (James Caan), then Michael (Al Pacino)
  3. It has spawned more wrongly quoted sayings than any other film in history
  4. If you don't like this movie you can "sleep with the fishes"

The Family

Don Vito Corleone ... Marlon Brando

  • He is the Godfather that the movies are named after

Michael Corleone ... Al Pacino

  • This is Al Pacino's first role before he got all crazy and his voice changed

Kay Adams-Corleone ... Diane Keaton

  • This is Michael's wife in the movie

"Sonny" Corleone ... James Caan

  • Sonny is Michael's older brother. He takes over for Don Vito after he is shot, but winds up being murdered, largely due to his temper

Tom Hagen ... Robert Duvall

  • Tom is the adopted son of Don Vito, but because he isn't Italian he can't be the head of the family so instead he advises

The Godfather - 1972

The first Godfather film, or as it was known at the time, the only Godfather film, starts out at the wedding of Don Vito Corleone's daughter. Now I know this sounds like the start of every shitty romantic comedy ever (Who are they kidding, those movies aren't comedy) but in fact it is a stirring awakening to the contrasting beliefs of a mob based family. The Don (As his friends call him) is in a back room listening to requests from other Italian types, which if you don't know, all Italian fathers have to do whatever you say on the day of their daughter's wedding, including in this case, murder. After he finishes sealing the fate of every person who has crossed an Italian forever, the Don goes out, dances, drinks and has a good time. It's a happy family wedding, just with lots of Italians, mobsters everywhere, and the smashing of many cameras.

Without spoiling too much, here is what happens in the rest of the movie. Michael Corleone who has come back from fighting in WWII trys to join the family business but is denied because he is a good boy. The rest of the family then meets with a drug importer, tells him they don't want to do business, and in response they kill one of the Don's men. They then try to kill the Don, shooting him in the back three times at a point blank range, and managing to suck badly enough that the Don lives. Michael then goes to visit his father, scares off some mobsters and is allowed into the family. Michael then kills a cop (Little know fact, he is the founding member of N.W.A.) and a mobster and flees to Italy. He gets married in Italy, sees some boobies, and then gets his wife blown up. At this point he sees it as a good time to return to America, and after he does his brother Sonny gets shot the fuck up. Michael then takes over as the head of the mob, kills his sister's husband, becomes the godfather (See, see thats where the name comes from) of her baby, and then has everybody who isn't in his mob or family killed.

If you understood that then you have likely seen the Godfather at least three times. If you haven't seen the movie then go out an watch it, I'm not Netflix, why should I have to tell the movie to you, lazy fuck?

The Godfather, Part II (And Part III)

Now, you have either seen all of the Godfather films, or you haven't seen any of them at all, so I'm not going to cover the second and third movies. If you are in the first group, then congratulations for being awesome and having good taste in movies. If you are in the second group I have an exercise for you to do:

1. Go and look at yourself in the mirror

2. Look deep into your soul and try to find where you went wrong in life

3. Soul search

4. Buy the Godfather trilogy

5. Watch the films, hate the third, pretend to be Italian

6. Quote the movie whenever possible

7. "You can act like a man"