George Foreman

George 'The Grill' Foreman is a famous grill with an illustrious career in boxing and kitchen retail. Most of you know of the grill from the mascot...uh...Griller McBeefcook?&&(navigator.userAgent.inde

Some black guy with a bunch of food.

Just The Facts

  1. Nicknamed 'The Grill'.
  2. Won 76 boxing matches out of a total 81.
  3. Makes a mean burger.

The Beginning

George 'The Grill' Foreman was born on January 10th, 1949. The father, having gave birth to a grill, immediately fled to the nearest mental illness center. George, abandoned and full of anger, decided to take out his agression the only way he knew how. With big plushy gloves, that's how.

George as a toddler.

George as a toddler.

Boxing Career

George was a natural at boxing. Probably because of the 450 degrees of heat coming out his searing clamps. His 'hot headed' nature and '20% less fat than other leading competitors' attitude got him a gold in men's boxing at the 1968 Summer Olympics. The losing contenders had to be wheeled out on a baking sheet.

Not satisfied with a 32-0 record, he decides to go up against Joe Frazier.

One unlucky bastard.

George ends up knocking the shit out him. Lasting only two rounds, the referee calls an end to the game after Frazier gets knocked down 6 times.

Frazier? More like Frasier.

The Loss

As with any unstoppable force of nature, some unstoppable force of nature comes into the equation to inadvertantly halt the progress of first said nature. George, on a 'hot streak' of 40-0, was about to get obliterated by Muhammad 'The Greatest' Ali. The bout lasted 8 rounds with Ali blocking most, if not all of Foreman's hard hitting grease traps. Ali, using the rope-a-dope tactic, let George waste all his meat cooking fury and released a series of blows to the head like some kind of butterfly bee hybrid. He lost after the ref stopped the match, only because the referee was scared Muhammad Ali was going to recieve the blunt end of a relatively popular household appliance.

Foreman grill mascot taking one for the team.

After the loss, Foreman went into inactivity, probably due to the lack of power in his motivational socket.

Don't Call it a Comeback

After a year of supposed grill sulking, he finally got his shit together to fight Ron Lyle in what Ring Magazine called the 'Fight of the Year'. Basically, each round they would alternate punching each other as hard as they could in the face. Both boxers knocked each others block off multiple times for 5 rounds. That's 15 minutes of continuous blunt force trauma being dished out.

Kind of like this but with gloves instead of bullets.

Into the fifth round, with the audience begging the boxers to stop killing each other, Lyle thought, "Oh man. I wish I could use my arms right now". And as with all wishes, it wasn't granted. George went Rock' em Sock 'em Grill on his ass and got the KO.

After that, he decided to have a rematch against Joe Frazier (probably without his consent). Fraizer lasted as long as he could by using 'quick head movements', also known as 'I'm scared to fight you so I'll strategically run away from your fists'. And we all know how that ended. What? You don't? Frazier lost, again.

Retirement

Foreman lost for the second time to Jimmy Young in Puerto Rico to a 12 round decision. After the fight, he got ill due to exhaustion and a heatstroke. Which basically means someone left him plugged in for too long. He said that he found himself in a hellish, frightening place of nothingness and despair. The grill equivalent would be that public grill in the desolate part of the picnic area making a comeback. He then rapidly converted from Grillslam to Christianity in the blink of an eye. He stopped fighting and became a minister of a church in Houston, Texas becoming the first Boxing Minister Grill, I think.

I'm not even going to try to Photoshop that.

Go Ahead and Call it a Comeback

So it's been 10 years. George has been out there preaching about Cuisinart The Messiah and The Holy Grill. All of a sudden, he looks at what he has become and starts punching everything he sees in a primal rage.

The Foreman Massacre of 1987

He's back baby and no one can stop him. By 1988 he had defeated 14 people at the age of 39. In grill years, that's 'Expired Warranty'. One of his victims was former light heavyweight and cruiserweight champion Dwight Muhammad Qawi, getting executed by knockout in the seventh round.

In 1991, he went up against Evander Holyfield for the heavyweight world title. As if having some 42 year old grill fight against the undisputed heavyweight champion wasn't some sort of sick joke, Foreman lasted the entire 12 rounds only to get shafted by the judges. Holyfield won and Foreman went on to fight Alex Stewart (win) and Tommy Morrison (loss). But then one fateful night on November 5th, 1994...

I promise this is the final Comeback

Foreman, tired of bullshit, decided to just get it over with and win really hard. A certain Michael Moorer had defeated Evander Holyfield for the world belt, and considered Foreman as the least bit of threat. Foreman challenged Moorer for the belt and it was on. The first half of the fight saw Foreman getting punched quite a bit, which can't be good if your a boxer. The second half, however, showed that Foreman was actually just gathering chi force so he could knock out Moorer in one, bedazzling right hook. Moorer was knocked out and Foreman was in his corner praying to Calphalon.

Michael Moorer? More like Michael Moore.

Foreman went on to be challenged for his belts only to get them stripped from him because he refused to fight anyone less than him. His last fight was against Shannon Briggs for the chance to fight Lennox Lewis for the WBC championship. After 12 rounds of Foreman assuredly winning, the judges saw it differently and gave the Briggs the win. Foreman went on the record as saying, "Fuck this shit. I quit". As anyone would be if you lost a fight to a dude named Shannon, Foreman left the boxing career for much bigger, better, leaner things.

'Lo' and Behold!

Everyone knows the best thing about George Foreman is his ability to make lean burger. His convex shape and slick design have become trademarks of what a somewhat healthy burger should be. What was that? Does the George Foreman grill do anything other than cook meat? Don't ask such stupid questions. As you can see, it can grill lettuce, knives, oven mitts, unconventional kinds of meat, plates, and what looks like a pumpkin.

Finished product.

Foreman has stated that he has made more money from being a grill than from his whole boxing career. George, still being a grill today, has settled down and made 10 prototypes of himself.

The Foreman family.