George Clooney is the man who killed Batman, had sex with your girlfriend and still turns you on every time you look in those big dreamy eyes of his...so dreamy...so perfectly large....mmmm
George was born in Kentucky from the merging of a pageant queen's loins with the testicular juice of an anchorman. Considering his genetic make-up Clooney Jr. was pretty damn awesome looking and as such spent most of his time on movie sets swooning women, while his friends were eating dirt.
Little George working it.
He proceeded to look pretty darn awesome in ER and Ocean's Eleven and pretty much every other movie/show he was in. Then, somewhere along the way George stopped trying to act and just sat around smiling mysteriously and looking at the camera with the trademarked "Clooney vagina exploding" stare.
If any women were reading this page their vagina would explode. But who are we kidding there are no women here, only FBI agents pretending to be little girls
I bet you didn't even notice that dog up there. In fact you are still staring in his eyes aren't you? It's okay, that doesn't make you gay...who could resist? I might just lose myself in those eyes for a little while too....
Clooney is also famous for pleasuring a woman until her legs spontaneously explode.
"This way and could you send in the next lucky woman in line"
The key point to remember here is that Clooney is not an actor he is a piece of man-candy and when his face is covered, by let's say a Batman mask, chaos ensues.
Batman: Are they swooned by my stunning good looks yet?
Robin: Holly smokes, Batman I don't think it's working!
Batman: Bring in the Terminator!
However adding facial hair only improves the Clooney effect, making even an otherwise ploteless movie completely belivable.
"Let me explode these clouds, do some LSD and walk through a wall. Then we can deal with those goats."
George yelling at the perfect storm until it calms the fuck down.
Not content to be featured in the sexual fantasies of women around the globe Clooney started directing his own movies, the most recognized of which is "Good Night and Good Luck." This was a low budget movie for which Clooney couldn't even afford color. It has been nominated for six or seven Academy Awards, the Academy being too mesmerized by the image of Clooney in black and white to remember exactly what they voted on.
Clooney is also planning to run for office in his home state of Kentucky with the slogan: "I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties."
Obama getting lost in those dreamy eyes
We expect him to become president within a week or so...