Door Stoppers

Very little was known about these mysterious objects. Once on the endangered species list they now inhabit 37.815% of all United States doors. Very durable creatures they go through alot of shit everyday the kind of shit shit doesnt even go through.

Yes These are door stoppers in their animal spirit forms.

While on the endangered species list door stoppers were substituted with anal lube tubes as shown in the above photo.

Just The Facts

  1. Like most rubber products these are intended for protection. But cases of misuse have been reported mostly in San Francisco.
  2. Not only are door stoopers used for stopping doors many police forces now use their magical properties to apprehend crime.
  3. The door stopper was of course as many know the predecessor to The Flux Capacitor.
  4. For some unknown reason on Tatooine door stoppers have a reverse effect so Jawas use them as cheap locks.

Door Stoppers: A History

Since the beginning of time these small but dangerous contraptions have fascinated mankind. Originally discovered in South America by the Mayans growing off of rubber bushes, they were harvested and used as sacrificial knives. Though when the Gods discovered the raw power of these miniature rubber universes they took the power for themselves. The Mayans thought these precious stoppers were gone from existence for good. Then in 1885 a small western town was completely decimated by a group of rogue door stoppers which made their way there via a time machine they made within themselves completing a prophecy made by the Mayan calendar. The return of these creatures of course started the domino effect which led to the early beginnings of the rubber revolution. After a small skirmish with the mormons in utah in 1902. The state Legislature agreed to hand over 23.5 square inches of land to the door stoppers to allow them to create the largest tourist attraction in utah known as StopperLand. These creatures stayed publicly quiet until july 4th 1976 when they marched on Washington for Door Stopper rights. After 3 years of protesting and civil disobiedience all but one of the Door Stoppers were killed. The final Door Stopper Made a deal with a certain Doc Brown to trade his time travel secrets for a ticket to a Michael Jackson concert. Following the concert Doc Brown placed the Stopper into a time traveling blender but a mix up with the wiring made the blender work normal thus the last known living Door Stopper was chopped into a million pieces. The first synthetic Door Stopper was created in an Area 51 Labratory. The technology was stolen by an undercover Wal-mart Ninja the designs were soon after sent to chinese cheld sweat shops and mass production was underway. But within three years time over 56.8746635% of Door Stoppers were homeless and unemployed. In todays world a new popularity has risen for these once endangered creatures and now they have a very bright future.

Door Stoppers: The Movie

Set to premiere worldwide on December 21st, 2012. The movie had the largest budget for any movie in history. Predicted to shatter box office records by billions. The movies plot follows the stuggle of the last door stopper portrayed by late actor Gary Coleman with also late actor Billy Maes portraying Doc Brown. The director of course James Cameron created the new six dimension viewing technology. He said it was the only thing worthy to portray the calibur of such an epic story which is said to delve deeper into human emotion than Camerons greatest epic Teletubbies: The Final Battle. Tickets are reported to cost more than $1,500 dollars even for seats behind very obese people.