Gargoyles

Gargoyles are fugly stone characters popular in medieval architecture used as water spouts and to scare away evil spirits. Sometimes they come to life and eat people or save New York from villains.

scholars maintain this particular gargoyle had the ability to wither penises within a 10 mile radius
scholars maintain this particular gargoyle had the ability to wither penises within a 10 mile radius

Just The Facts

  1. The word "gargoyle" comes from the French word for "throat" or "gullet" meaning gargoyles have more in common with porn than you may have previously realized
  2. In the movie "Tales from the Darkside" a dude totally bangs a gargoyle. Gross.
  3. The Disney cartoon Gargoyles is so popular, despite being off the air for 12 years, adults still dress up like characters and get together to chat and have fruit punch at conventions

The Show

In the mid 90's, Disney decided that not every show they produced needed a tall skinny character accompanied by a short, fat character to play for laughs who bumbled along beside an unassuming hero, nor did every show necessarily have to appeal to 5 year olds or rather slow teenagers. So they created Gargoyles.

Known for having story arcs that you actually had to follow from one episode to the next and being a place where Star Trek: The Next Generation actors seemed to go to die, the show was popular even though it included copious Shakespearean references.

It's also worth noting that Disney did include a fat guy and a skinny guy for comic relief in the forms of a gargoyle named Broadway and another named Brooklyn. Also scantily clad gargoyle chicks to make young teens feel even more confused than is entirely normal.

Charcoal grey boobies are my favorite

The Real World

Gorgoyles are usually found in architecture directing water away from rooftops or in the living rooms of people who fancy themselves mysterious (possibly even vampires) usually holding the remote controls or some Oreo Cakesters, because even vampires need snacks.

This table will be as bored to be in your house as your guests

Despite the charm of gargoyles as something dark and romantic, they're basically glorified plumbing fixtures.