Disney Villains

If you can carry a tune and believe in yourself, you'll do okay in the Disney universe. And if you can't? Well, then you're a Disney Villain! Try and have as much fun as possible before you die an ironic and horrifying death.

Holy. Shit.
Holy. Shit.

Just The Facts

  1. Disney has been retelling popular tales through the medium of animation since 1923
  2. The typical hero of a Disney film can expect happiness, success and idyllic romance
  3. The typical villain of a Disney film can expect all the best lines and an untimely demise...

It's good to be bad...

Where did it all go wrong? Did your mother not hug you enough? Or did she hug you too much? Or was she an inherently evil crone who routinely tried to poison you? Or maybe you just couldn't stand the singing anymore...

Whatever your reasons, you've found yourself on the dark end of the Disney moral spectrum, and phrases like Be True to Yourself, Love Conquers All, and Beauty Is On The Inside are now your official sworn enemies. You are a Disney Villain, and, I'll be honest with you, your chances aren't great. The world you live in is geared toward a sticky-sweet rainbow-bright utopia of idyllic romance and unrealistic levels of cheerfulness. Animals talk. Peasants sing. Your minions are almost certainly comically incompetent. For someone with nefarious intent, the odds don't look good.

But remain hearty, my would-be crusher of heroes and defiler or princesses! Draw inspiration from the many Disney Villains before you that have bravely stood up against the emotional tyranny of the Happiest Media Production Conglomerate on Earth. Sure, most of them died, but, you know, they're still kind of inspiring...

Here's a few of the greats. And how painfully they died.