Great Britain

Great Britain is a small island nation that at one point controlled a quarter of the world, today it mostly known for exporting mediocore pop and harrier jets.

It looks exactly like this

Just The Facts

  1. Great Britain is great it's even in the name
  2. The previous author wrote the fact below
  3. There are three countries in Great Britain: England, Scotland and Wales
  4. The fact they neglected to mention Northern Ireland shows that the new author is much better
  5. Turns out the new author sucks read the comments section

What is it like?

Great Britain is a small island and is where the queen lives everyone who lives there is either nobility, landed gentry or a chimney sweep. This means that the entire population speaks in proper english or a south london accent there are no other variations on speech in the entire country.

Britain the land of diversity

The country also consumes virtually all of the worlds tea and crumpet stores although as of yet no one has figured out what the hell a crumpet is. Rumour has it that most of the country is in fact gay and that the all british women are serviced by much more virile american men. As well as this they have bad teeth and a constant smell of defeat hangs in the air although most of this blows over from france.

What is it actually like?

The above section is total bullshit any one who believe that the section is anything but satire is either retarded or an american call of duty player. We have already covered the 5-most statistically full shit national stereotypes on cracked and this includes the British however there are still many stereotypes not covered in this article which are as follows.

Everyone in england speaks like the queen

This is perhaps the most widely believed of any stereotype about British folk and also the most ridiculous. Queens english as it's known is the correct pronunciation of the british language and is only actively practised by the upper most classes of society, like the Queen. The lower classes (everyone else) speak with accents which differ from place to place. In fact they differ so much some accents are almost impossible for foreigners to understand, don't believe us we introduce you to the wonderful world of cockney rhyming slang. For the guys who invented the english language they sure know how to twist it into a barely recognisable shadow of it's former glory.

Like this but with actual words

British men are gay more cultured

If there is one thing we all know for sure about the Brits its that they are a no good bunch of pansies who have no comprehension of what it takes to be tough and manly.

Just look at these pussies

The men pictured play a sport known as rugby if you've never heard of it you must be american, just imagine american football. Are you imagining it, that most manly of past times where men built like fridges tackle each other to the ground, now take off all the protective padding and you pretty much have it.

Yeah but can they run without feet?

As for the cultured bit British men are no more cultured than any other type of man unless of course they are which has nothing to do with being British but probably because they picked up a book or two.

What the hell have they ever given us?

The British have given the rest of the world quite a lot beyond an easy target for jokes on Family Guy this is including but not limited to.

The best in luxury

They didn't get sterotyped as posh stuck up gits for no reason the British sure know how to go all out when it comes to luxury. Known to be the makers of the finest cars man has ever known a Dodge Viper may look cool but a Rolls Royce when mentioned in converstaion is an instant panty dropper.

And its fucking huge

The worlds best inventions

Hell we dont want to bore you with a list,

but here is a list of all the cool stuff Brits have given us:

  • The tin can
  • The internal combustion engine and the steam engine
  • lighbulbs
  • Toilet paper
  • Television
  • Wit
  • Viagra
  • And the mother fucking internet

Ok sorry about this one

Some of your favourite people

You may or may not know some of the worlds foremost thinkers and generally awesome people are from this small island nation including.

  • Doctor Gregory fucking House MD (Hugh Laurie)
  • Professor Stephen fucking Hawking
  • Charles fucking Darwin
  • David Beckham (He's not awesome enough to have cuss words in his name)
  • Charlie fucking Chaplin
  • Sir Isaac fucking Newton

And many many others although its far more likely that your still in disbelief House is british if so shame on you.

Pictured: totally american

A lot of things we use to kill people

A final list of the things this tiny nation has invented to fuck other people up or look good doing it.

  • Tanks
  • Vtol aircraft
  • Aircraft carriers
  • Khaki camoflage
  • Depth charges
  • That Ghillie suit thing you wear in call of duty

And all this from an area that could fit into texas the rest of the world needs to catch up.

But dont get too close