Happy Endings

Everyones heard of a happy ending and no I don't mean like at the end of the Wizard of Oz. Massage parlors around the world offer an extra favor at the end of your massage. When you get one you will understand why they call it a "Happy Ending"

Its always good to be discrete.

Just The Facts

  1. 80% of female Massage "therapists" were not hugged by there father.
  2. If the sign outside the parlor says "Body Work" your at the right place.
  3. 75% of Men consider getting a "Happy Ending" not cheating on there wife or girlfriend.


If you have never visited one of these magical places I will give you the quick rundown of a typical experience. You usually enter the parlor trying to hide your face in fear that anyone including your friends, family, school teachers or your priest will see you. When you get inside the unmistakable smell off cheap lotions attack your nostrils. If there is anyone else in the waiting room besides the hand commander you give a quick nod and then hang your head in shame. When you are called in the room the lady will ask you some random questions trying to gage if your a cop or not. This is a horrible process. If your self esteem isn't at it's lowest point yet it will indeed drop to the gutter when you give her a fake name and career. Don't worry she will never know that your not Tits McLotion from NASA. After you pass her little test she will start giving you a "normal" massage until she starts floating around your undercarriage. At this point there is two things going through your mind. 1) Why is there a instrumental version of Celine Dion's "My heart will go on" playing? Then 2) is she gonna stick her fingers down a one way street? If that's your thing more power to ya but if it's not just nicely remind her that she's not an oil drill and your crack is not Iraq. It may sound similar and smell the same but there two totally different things. After she messes around down there for a little she will ask you to flip over. If your anything like me when you do this it will look like someone set up camp around your midsection. Don't worry she's a pro. After a second of pretending to massage your shoulders she will start her big finish. She will try and talk dirty in broken english which can throw off your game. Hearing her say "Your a very powerful man" in broken english will make you laugh. Depending on what type of guy you are this can last very long or just a shade under ten seconds. I won't tell you which I am but I can tell you she did say "already" afterwards. After she cleans you and herself up she will offer you a hot towel and you will decline. The main reason you do is because after your tiny swimmers have evacuated your body you will feel like a complete loser piece of crap. Then you will try and get your clothes on as fast as possible while she watches and makes sure she gets her tip. I know what your thinking "didn't i just tip her my load"? No that doesn't count. Give her whatever you feel fits and get the hell out of there. By the time you reach your car you have no self esteem left and you smell like cheap lotion. Make sure to go home and take a shower. The lotion smell will come off but the horrible feeling won't.

I'm sure some of you are thinking this is SICK. I know some of you are thinking this is AWESOME. Which ever column you fall into remember one thing. We are all prostitutes in some way.