The Scooby-Doo Show

Scooby-Doo is one of the first cartoons made by Hanna-Barbera. It also sucks shit.

Just The Facts

  1. Scooby-Doo is one of the most popular shows ever.
  2. I have no idea why because it is shit.

The Dumb-Ass Characters

Shaggy Rogers:

Random hippie who sports permanent stubble and an anorexic figure, even though he eats like a horse and gets high on food, especially Scooby Snacks. Which are dog snacks. Seriously fucked up. Serves as bait for the monsters along with Scooby. On a side note, Scooby Snacks are for these two what spinach is for Popeye. Except it gives them courage instead of strength.

This is Shaggy's default setting.

Scooby Dooby-Doo:

A dog who can talk, the reasons for which are never explained. AND I DON'T WANT THEM TO BE...

Still, we can speculate. A dog possessed by a demon from hell, waiting for the right moment to kill everybody? Result of a crazy government experiment to make super dogs which failed miserably, giving them a clumsy, moronic dog that talks like a two-year old, loves food and pisses itself at the sight of its own shadow? Extreme gayness? I know that that wasn't a question and is not related to anything I previously said, but look at this:

This happens a fucking lot in this show. Sometimes Scooby jumps into Shaggys arms. Isn't that all child-friendly and ni - no it isn't you bastard.

You think I'm joking?

Me: I'm not joking.


Me: Shut up.

My Day As A Character In The Scooby-Doo Show

Beat you to it DOB. On a side note, please don't ban me.


The ghost shows up and scares some people.

Cue theme song.

Mystery Machine traveling along a road when it has to stop due to some problem or the gang goes somewhere and is told about the monster by this one guy who keeps telling them to leave throughout the show.

Shaggy: Did you say monster?

Scooby: Reah.


Fred: Alright gang! Let's search for clues. Shaggy, Scooby and Velma, you go check things over there while me and Daphne check things over here.

Me: No, I'll go with Daphne.

Fred: No.

(Some time passes and Scooby, etc. are shown. There is some sound.)

Velma: Jinkies! That sounds like the monster?

Shaggy: Didja have to say monster?

Scooby: Reah.

Me: You say that in every episode, you fucks.

Monster shows up and Shaggy and Scooby make their wacky escape along with Velma.

Shaggy: Run, Scoob.

Scooby: Reah

Me: Is that all you say you hellspawn? What are you so afraid of anyway, it's a guy in a really badly made costume. And after six different shows in which there has never been a real monster, EVER, I really thought you guys would realise that ghosts and monsters don't exist.

Shaggy: The monster's back Scoob! Run!

Me: This show is so retarded.

Finally, after talking to some completely random characters and picking up some clues...

Velma: Alright, time to set a trap.

After a while.

Fred: Alright gang, I've set up the trap.

Me: This is needlessly complicated. How about a gun? Or the police? Where the fuck are the police anyway? On a side note, what did you and Daphne do while you were offscreen? Seeing as how Velma did all the detective work.

Fred: Shaggy, Scooby and the new guy who asks too many questions will be the bait.

Shaggy: Like, no way man.

Scoob: Reah

Me: For once, I'm gonna agree with these fucktards.

Daphne: How about some Scooby Snacks?

Me: Fuck you lady, I'm not going to run around for dog biscuits. Now, if you showed some skin...

Shaggy: Scooby Snacks! Let's go Scoob!

Scooby: Reah

Me: Fine, I'll try one. Do these have drugs in them? Because I... wait a minute - oh fuck...

Me: ohgodohgodohgodohgodOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD

Fred: We'll wait here.


Monster is caught after a chase. Velma starts to talk about how she solved the mystery:

Velma: After studying the cl-

Me: Shut up. It's the person who was trying to scare us away. They created the monster to scare everybody away from their criminal operation.

Velma: How di-

Me: It's the plot in over half these episodes smartass. Plus, these drugs let me see through the fabric of time and space and know the deepest mysteries of the universe. Also, I can see through just plain fabric. BOOBS!

Criminal led away by police.

Criminal: And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your dumb dog.


The Complete Shamelessness of this Show

I can deal with the repeating plots, dialogues, pretty much everything. But, then they did this:

Damn you bastards to hell.