Guatemala Sinkhole

The Guatemala Sinkhole. What is it? Why is it here? Who is affected by it? Where the hell is Guatemala? When is The Big Bang Theory on? I'm not a huge fan but it's a good way to kill 30 minutes.

The construction of God's miniature golf course was on schedule.

Just The Facts

  1. The Guatemala Sinkhole is not a sinkhole.
  2. It is, in fact, a "piping feature".
  3. Geologists are killjoys.

The World's Most Famous Piping Feature

The hole appeared on Sunday in Guatemala's creatively titled capital city, Guatemala City. The country was violated by the torrential rain and deadly mudslides, caused by tropical storm Agatha "The Widowmaker". Of course with most natural disasters it is our, humanity's, fault and this occasion is certainly no different. It is more than likely that a combination of faulty burst sewer pipes, Dugtrio and the global fianancial crisis eroded rock below the surface of the street until the massive weight, coupled with shifting mud caused the road to collapse, and a thousand wall street fat cats to chuckle out of their bloated, caviar-stainded mouths. Bloody Thatcher!

"Drown the survivors."

The hole itself is 60 feet (18 metres (Rosie O'Donnell)) across and nearly 300 feet (100 metres) deep. This means that not only could the Statue of Liberty comfortably fit into the hole, but Usain Bolt could reach the bottom in less than 10 seconds. 10 seconds! This size also means the hole can serve as an ideal prison should the Mole Man once again entertain ideas of a destructive nature.

That'll learn you, you no-goodnick.

The Response

As we've come to expect, the internet responded with good grace, humility and consideration as fat, rich, western teenagers pounded their greasy, Cheetoed fists into the keyboard in an attempt to be the first to capitalise on an entire nations mourning.

Here are a few of their "hilarious" attempts.






The Dead

Yeah. That's right.

While the rest of the world "has the lolz" and cries Sarlaac almost 150 people have died due to the storm. One man died when the three storey building he was in tumbled into the hole. Elsewhere four young children lost their lives as their house was washed away by a mudslide, and 90 people still remain missing.

It's very convinient for us in the first world when a tragedy occurs far away. We are not connected to it. We can view it from a removed point of position, wherein a horrific national event can be twisted into a means of entertainment, safe in the knowledge that could never happen to us due to our superior infrastructure and largerHAHAHA! LONGCAT!

He cares not for puny human suffering. He is long.