French Open

French Open is a tennis tournament, held in France. Who knew?

A typical professional women's tennis player.

I bet you can't name which one is Andy Roddick.

King of Clay, lol

Just The Facts

  1. A majority of people have no idea this event is taking place, let alone where it's at.
  2. Out of all the tennis surfaces this has the biggest chance of seeing someone fall.
  3. Rafael Nadal will fist pump almost as much as the Jersey Shore kids.
  4. Roger Federer already lost.
  5. Serena Williams will always look goofy in Skirts (lol).
  6. You can definitely make a drinking game to this.

The French Open

Tennis, you know what it is. But do you care? I imagine not, I mean you don't really have any idea who the players are. You probably just know that at one point of time Andy Roddick was banging Mandy Moore. Anyway, there are 4 Majors in tennis. Think of it as 4 World Series in Baseball. These tournaments are bigger than Ron Jeremey's moist log. There's the Australian Open (Hardcourt), French Open (Clay), Wimbledon (Grass) and US Open (Hardcourt). And typically Roger Federer wins them all. Now the French Open specifically takes place in France (lolz) and it's played on Clay. For this reason the French Open is the hardest to win. The points are long, you have to play the best of 5 sets and you have limited bathroom breaks.

Why you don't have to watch it.

If you're a tennis fan like me (there's probably only 10 of us in America), you already know who's going to win on the Men's side. His name is Rafael Nadal, the beast from Spain. He's basically a Spanish version of Jake Gyllenhaal in the new movie Prince of Persia. This guy can't really be beat on Clay, he has a 39-1 record on the surface. So there's a reason you don't have to watch it. Another is that there is no good looking women in left in the tournament. Basically all the hot women's tennis players got elminated a week ago. Just a damn shame for all of us.