Eyepatch

Eye patches are most badass fashion accessory (apparently it is possible to have a non-gay fashion acceossory), and they come at the slight cost of losing an eye and seeing in only two dimensions.

Honestly its not that bad

Eye patches are NEVER GAY

Well sometimes they are

Just The Facts

  1. Eye patches are worn by the manliest men in history
  2. Having one just means that the copius amount of tail you are now getting isn't in 3-D
  3. Having two just makes you a famous musician (see Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, etc.)

People that have worn eye patches that are cool

Pirates, Snake Plissken, Solid Snake, alot of awesome looking (and probably vodka-drunk) Russian generals, Tom Cruise, and alot of people who got into fights and suggest you see the other guy (he's probably dead). So far, the only non-cool way to earn an eye patch (sounds better than losing an eye) is through diabetes (sorry, fighting against high blood sugar basically puts you on the same plane in terms of manly-ness as Jared from subway).