Cartoon Illegal Aliens

Think the immigration debate is only for us 'real' people? Think again. Here's a rundown of the top cartoon characters without a green card.

Sorry Dora, you have no rights!

Where did I leave my papers?

Just The Facts

  1. Illegal alien cartoon characters are taking the American cartoon characters jobs.
  2. Many shows featuring illegal alien cartoons do not pay them fair wages and mistreat their cartoon animals.
  3. Speedy Gonzales is an alleged child molester in the case of Dancing Baby v. S. Gonzales in 1999.

Handy Manny

"Red Rover, Red Rover, send Juan, Carlos, Diego, Santana, Jesus, and Pablo right over......and Abuela!"

Manuel Garcia, aka Handy Manny is a handyman in the town of Sheetrock Hills. Handy Manny is the first person the residents Sheetrock Hills calls when something breaks. Why? Because Handy Manny works for free people! Handy Manny has never been paid for his work. Handy Manny is poor. He wears the same shit. Everyday. The money he does get goes to drugs. If Manny wasn't constantly high, his talking tool friends would be silenced, and poor Manny would have nobody. If that's not enough for you, Manny's workshop is suspected of being an illegal chop shop specializing in stolen Honda driver side airbags.

Hes even taking jobs from this guy:

Suspected Crimes

- Performing Construction Without a License

- Receiving and Selling Illegal Automobile Parts

- Drug Trafficking (suspected contact of Speedy "Big Cheese" Gonzales)

Handy Manny Modified VanTran

Dora The Explorer

Dora Marquez, aka Dora The Explorer is a kid on a mission. Her mission? To explore new ways to get the rest of her "familia" into the US. After Dora's success in the US, she eventually led her cousin, Diegeo, into the US illegally. In fact, Marquez is said to be the "Mexican Harriet Tubman", leading over 4000 illegal aliens across the border safely from the year 2002 untill 2009 alone. Constantly escaping capture by Border Patrol Agent Swiper T. Fox, she continues her deed to this day, with the help of safehouses along the way, even going so far as to ask preschool children to alert her when Agent Fox is closing in.

Suspected Crimes

- Organizing Illegal Alien Transport Across the Border

- Profiting from Human Trafficking

- Drug Trafficking with the help of children and a backpack.

If you're unhappy with Dora, let that bitch know. Shes a rude little pig!

Alec Baldwin isn't gonna take her shit anymore, and you shouldn't either.

Speedy Gonzales

Ahh, Speedy. Despite being the fastest mouse in Mexico, he is often overlooked. Posessing unattainable speed has it's perks. Especially in the drug trade. While he has never been see crossing the border, it's entirely plausable. Currently residing in Texas, his palacial home with 30 rooms was the suspect of 2 DEA raids in 1998 and 2007 respectively. Accused of child molestation in 2009, Speedy has become a recluse and is rarely seen in public, but widely suspected to control his "Los Speedy" drug cartel from his home.

What's in your closet!

Suspected Crimes

-Drug Trafficking

-Child Molestation

-Cheese Theft

What Can We Learn From Them?

-Mexicans can talk to any inanimate object including backpacks, tools, and maps.

Wrenches on wenches!

-Mexicans can talk to animals! Foxes, monkeys, cows and pigs and............


-Sombreros are fucking AWESOME!

"Hi. I'm your Mom's new boyfriend!"

Why We Need Them!

Because they're entertaining, that's why. And who else would babysit my kids all day when I'm on Cracked? Did you know that 30% of marijuana in the United States comes through Dora's backback? And also...........white people cant build:

Good Old American Craftsmanship

And now, here's Ronnie James Dio singing "Holy Diver."