Cake

Cake is delicious. It is the most versatile dessert ever and may be combined with other awesome things including: video games, bacon, rainbows, cats, ice-cream and boobs. It is delicious cake, you must eat it.

Oh yeah.

The only thing that would make this better would be a pot of gold.

The cake is not a lie.

Just The Facts

  1. Cake is baked yummyness, usually made out of eggs, flour, sugar and butter.
  2. Although the person who bakes the cake is usually known as a baker, they actually like to be known as 'cakers'.
  3. The cake is not a lie.

Cracked on cake

Think of something that is awesome... I guarantee you that that thing will have eaten cake, been made into a cake or been put in a cake. Presumably you either thought of boobs, cats or video games. Well look no further fellow interest user:


[Insert eating-related pun]

[Insert eating-related pun]

D'awww

D'awww

You just squealed with excitement didn't you?

A new level on Super Mario Galaxy 2

Bacon?

Even though cake is delicious, there was always one thing that nagged me. "What if, I thought, what if I mixed the two most delicious things on this planet. Cake... and bacon? Cakecon?!". And even though I named the most mindblowingly tasty, scrumptious and delightful food ever, I had already been beaten to it. Here is cakecon:

Nom nom nom

Yeah, I went there.

Yep, I am drolling too.

I'm drooling too.

It really is a cake.

That really is a cake

Food of the gods.

Varieties of cake

Sponge cake - The classic cake, made simply with eggs, flour, butter and sugar. There is an almost infinite different types of this cake, from Angel cake to the Zinger cake. Each type differs based on ingredients added to the simple cake batter - go ahead, go wild. Try anything.

Here is a British cake made for Afternoon High Tea. (We don't actually eat tea and crumpets, but drink the tears of the orphans and eat the hopes and dreams of the commoners)

"Cake old chum?" "Of course my boy!"

"Cake old chum?" "Of course my bean, of course!"

Fruitcake - A cake made with dried and candied fruit soaked in alcohol, with nuts and spices. It can be iced and is eaten at Christmas and Weddings. (See Fruit Cake)

Because we don't have enough to eat at Christmas

Because we don't have enough to eat at Christmas.

Cupcake/fairycake - Back in 1828, Eliza Leslie was having another day in her rightful place, and she suddenly had an incredible idea. "What if... cake was portable?!". Thus, the cupcake was born. These bite-sized drops of heaven have now spread across the world and bring joy to millions. Hurrah for Mrs Leslie! Though when Mr Leslie told her to make him a sandwich, she went a bit wrong...

Mr Leslie was surprised and angry.

Doing it wrong.


Things mistaken for cakes

CAKE - They are a band. They are not made out of cake. They are not delicious.

Not delicious.

Not Delicious

Cheesecake - Whatever anyone tells you about cheesecake, it is NOT A REAL CAKE. This cake, I'm afraid, really is a lie. No proper cake is made in a factory. Pah. Typical Americans, making it a cake out of cheese. Cheese... cake? Cheese CAKE?! A cake, made out of cheese?! Dirty bastards. (see Peter Kay)

Although not a real cake, cheese-not-a-cake is still delicious.

Ohhh, I'm gonna be sick.

Ohhh... I'm gonna be sick!

Urinal cake - Yum yum yum, now we are talking! If you are ever feeling a bit peckish then look no further my friend. The urinal cake has been given such a bad name recently, just see how tasty it looks! If you just grab one and wash it with a bit of cold water to get the pee off, you wouldn't believe the difference.*

Mmmm... Tastes like penis!

Tastes like piss

Yellow cake - Often mistaken for cake and eaten, but unlike Urinal cakes, this cake should probably be avoided because of it's radioactive qualities. Used to make fuel for nuclear reactors and for sale on Amazon.

Premium Moist!

Still radioactive, but premium moist!

Beefcake - Term commonly denoting a topless man who has a good physical build. Delicious to some, though not to all. Therefore not a real cake.

Not made out of beef.

Not made of beef.

*Disclaimer - may not be true.