Thrift Store

Starting your own thrift store can't be that hard, can it? Just gather the stuff on this helpful list, rent a run-down shop in the strip mall, and you're good to go.

Junk now sold by the pound

The List

1) Several old ten-speed bikes - preferably parked in a row outside the main doors

2) A "Learn Windows 95 in Twenty-Four Hours" book

3) At least four different John Grisham books and a couple copies of "Jurassic Park"
Poodle Grooming Book

4) VCRs, picture-tube style televisions, and dual-tape deck stereos

5) A small corner of the store with "premium" items. Perhaps some silk Hawaiian shirts of Brooks Brothers flannels. Call this little nook something like the "Collector's Corner" or the "Treasure Chest"

6) Clothes - a row of jeans, a row of t-shirts, a row of polos and knit shirts, a row of hoodies, etc. Make sure that a majority of the shirts advertise local sports teams and businesses. "East Bloomington Girls Soccer" or "Mike's Rebar Manufacturing" (with a stitched "Carl" name patch) will work

7) Vinyl records - yes, people still have record players and aren't afraid to use them
World's Smallest Record Player

8) Couches and arm chairs - if you have the room. Floral prints and tweed patterns are a must. Expect mop-haired groups of college boys to admire these before pooling their cash to purchase them for their dorm rooms
Ugly Couch

9) Men's suits - again groups of college boys will come in mass to purchase these for their "Back to the 70s" dorm parties. The uglier the better.

10) Pictures - these must be hung above the shelves on the walls around your store. Scenes of cabins nestled in the mountains, cats, and Victorian England will work. Gaudy frames are a must.
T-Rex Attacking Small Children

11) VHS tapes - "A Few Good Men," "Jurassic Park", and "Titanic" are required titles

12) A knick-knack section. If anyone doesn't know what knick-knack is, it is something that your mom displays on the living room shelf and tells you to stop wrestling with your brother when you get near them. "Mind the knick-knacks" might be a phrase she would use.
Knick Knack Shelf

13) Furniture - dressers, desks, and kitchen tables. Most of these items will be back from the days when they used solid wood rather than particle board, so get a couple of strapping young lads to carry them into your store.
Man Carrying Table on Back

14) At least one Nordic Track - you can charge a few more dollars if you let people know that it can also double as a clothes rack. An "Ab Roller" can be a nice complimentary piece.

15) Computer software - "Myst" and "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing" should be included in the assorted titles.

16) Luggage - again, flower prints work well. People who want to be the first to spot their bag on the luggage carousel amongst the sea of black suitcases will flock to these.

17) Board games - "Candy Land", "Uncle Wiggly", "Trivial Pursuit", "Monopoly", and "Clown Checkers" should be included.

18) Jewelry - most of this should be kept in a glass case and only be viewed under a store associate's watchful eye. Mind you, most of this jewelry is not of high value, but the glass case treatment will give the air of exclusivity.
Napolean Dynamite Deb

19) Lamps - thick fabric shades and bases featuring bears warming themselves around a campfire will do.

20) Wood plaques with pithy sayings such as "A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz any day" and "Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them."