Hamsters

-Under Construction-Hamsters are cute little rodents who aren't always friendly or even non-violent. But even angry hamsters are cute! You'll see. Just...be careful.

Holy shit. It's like...a small pig or something. That's way bigger than what we thought hamsters looked like.

Just The Facts

  1. Hamsters are rodents, and they do a very cute job of it.
  2. Wild Hamsters are found in Europe, Asia, and parts of Richard Gere.
  3. Hamsters are adorable, but much tougher than you'd think.
  4. Every year, thousands of people are killed by hamster attacks.
  5. Ok, maybe not. But they will bite you.
  6. And the larger species will actually growl and hiss.
  7. Really.

Squeakity Squeak Squeak Squeaken

When you think of hamsters, what's the first thing you think? It's "awww..." isn't it? This is because hamsters are scientifically proven to have a high degree of cuteness.

They are fatter than mice and prettier than rats. They don't have the Sumo power of the guinea pig or the stripe-driven stealth of the chipmunk, but they manage to have some qualities of both. For rodents, hamsters are a fairly popular pet, though in the US, we think of a "hamster" as a little nugget like this:

We might be lucky that people don't think it's a gerbil.

He's all little and tiny, because he is a Dwarf Hamster. As the name suggests, it's a small breed which lives in a cavern crafting weapons and armor at it's tiny forge. However, in Europe, and apparently Russia, their idea of a hamster is more like this:

What the fuck! This one is huge too. It's a gopher, right? That's like a foot tall. It can't be a hamster.

That guy is a Wild European Hamster. It can also be a pet, but obviously they really do live in the wild. These are some tough savage hamsters too; crazed little bastards who will try to chew your foot off if you provoke them. They look SO FUCKING CUTE, but seriously, you may not want to pet them if you see one outside.

What follows is an instructional video about how to enrage a hamster with a shoe after it has bitten you. Do not try this at home...

Honey I Devoured The Kids!

They run around in a wheel for many of the same reasons humans have bureaucracy.

Hamsters may be totally cute, but they are omnivores, and one terrifying fact about them is relatively well known: they will eat their own babies. It seems that a number of conditions, ranging from overcrowding to hunger, can cause the parents to eat their young.

We really wish they would not do that.